Very long time away but Im not dead!

So, a lot of life happens when you don't plan it. I stopped blogging in 2008 because my life was overwhelming. Though, looking back, its nothing compared to now. My loving husband turned out to be an epic lying cheat, screwing many many women behind my back. He walked out in 2013 and the divorce was finalized in 2015. He left me for a woman 10 years older, mousey with 2 kids. She destroyed a 30 year marriage for his ED affected a**. Just like that. I knew he was bi but never acted on it to my knowledge. The reason he left was he decided he was "poly" and I would never accept that. Yeah. Polyamory is when all parties involved are aware and on board with the arrangement. What he did was straight adultery. For the first time since I was 22, I was alone. I decided to go back to school. I got my liberal arts degree in 2017 and in May of 2020, I will graduate with a Bachelors in Elementary Education. I discovered that I am stronger and more myself without him. I am no longer a them, I am a ME. My life is about me, what I want, what I feel and where I want to be. Selfish. A bit, but after giving everything of myself to another who didn't truly love me enough to be with just me, I am entitled to some selfishness. I love working with the kids. They are challenging, frustrating but so true and honest. Children don't mess around. They don't create false personas, at least not the young ones. They are who they say they are. I need that in my life. They are sweet and love to tell you about their day, their dog, their siblings and what they ate for breakfast. A child hugs you and says they will miss you, they mean every second. I love guiding their learning. Helping them sound out words, how to spell Christmas and teaching them math are fulfilling experiences. My job is good. I still work in printing but I have been through 5 stores and 4 jobs since 2008. 2 stores closed and I got to another store. My current store I work with some truly kind and good hearted people. They are my managers but I also call them friends. I just finished my last full semester of classes before student teaching. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, on the Dean's List and am currently holding a 3.85 GPA. I did this all on my own. I am proud of my achievements and have every right to be. To my ex. You missed out on an amazing, smart, beautiful, fully and accomplished person. I found her...in the mirror.

Howdy ho Neighborronies!

Hey campers, the great Booty is back. After 6 months of unemployment, I am finally working again! It's part time but I'm ok with it. It's a local company that does mainly progressive, liberal, democratic and community printing. Tons of t-shirts, stickers, bumper stickers, buttons, colroplast, etc. Old fashioned screen printing-squeegie and all! To check out their products, go to www.worldsbestbikestickers.com and www.peacesupplies.org. Pretty cool stuff!

Let's see, what else have I been up too... I did Tucson Fashion Week with my bags. Interesting but no sales. Ok exposure but I dont think I would do it again. Really need a venue more like a farmers market or a craft fair. I have been busy making model horse cinches. I am gaining a good reputation for high qualitiy and durability. I'm now making them for several top name tack makers and they are recommending me to others. So, I have 13 cinches on the order board right now! I think is wonderful-and a bit humbling. I guess this leads into what's on my mind today.

I have gained a wonderful friend who started a Model Horse Performance Magazine a couple years ago. I have happily become a consultant for her on the technicals of producing the magazine. To see it, go to www.modelhorseperformance.com.

Now, I have never been a horn-tooter (is that a word lol?) I am honored that people are recognizing the quality of my work. I also know that I am not unique and that others are capable of tying cinches-it is not my personal realm. I see the quality of others cinches and shake my head at what I see, but I dont publicaly call them out or name names. I consider it rude and I would rather let the work speak for itself. Unfortunately, others aren't as "humble" as I. Another young lady has decided to make a product for model horses that could be deemed a "beginners project". She speaks of her work arrogantly as "fine art". When another young new hobbyist asked her questions about supplies, she shot her down saying it was a trade secret. There has been other proclamations about how she came up with her own packaging and marketing. I dont think so. Her "fine art" product came out of a 20 year old book about model horses and her packaging design idea came from a major company's package design for the same type of product.

Needless to say, the attitude kinda got to me this morning. I take pride in what I do, but I'm not prideful about it. I guess that's the difference huh? I think it was the Amish that believe in the beauty of simple things. Look at the craftsmanship of Shaker boxes. Simple lines, simple materials, but perfection in craftsmanship and execution. Even the simplest project can show the heart and soul of the maker...but I wonder if pridefulness and arrogance show as well?

Reflection on Unemployment and Chiles

Heya, bet you thought I fell off the earth right? Nope, Im still here. Ive been super busy up until a few weeks ago.

What happened you ask?

Well, what has happened to 10% of the population of the US? Yep, I was laid off.

Woah you're saying-you havent posted in a long time, what the eff happened?

Hmm, I was working for printing company "A" for the last 3 years. They were having problems. Big problems, from people not paying their bills to not charging enough to make ends meet. Constant bill collector phone calls. It wasnt pretty. They were good people, they just got into a bad situation and it got to the point where they couldnt do it anymore. Sad, they had been in business since 1962, to be finally brought down by the recession. They had been doing furloughs to try to help their financial situation. That last week I worked one day, and for several weeks before I had only worked 2 days a week. Needless to say I was having to rely on savings to make ends meet. So I walked in to get my check and they are packing the office to leave and close the doors.

Yeah, no notice whatsoever to me or any of the other employees, I walked in and was given a box for my stuff. The printing company that was going to continue with the clients was taking the estimator who has made working with him highly unpleasant and the other prepress/bindery person, but not me.

I was unemployed, for the first time since I graduated art school in 1992. It was a real sense of loss. I told my family and they were wonderful and supportive, as family is supposed to be.

It took me a few days but I filed for employment. Two days later, company "B" asked my former boss to have me come in for an interview. Seems my former boss and the clients had talked me up to the point that they wanted to meet me. Went in, great place, great staff. Very happy workers, that's always a good sign. Did the interview and had to take a personality test and an aptitude test. I passed in flying colors. They hired me. Four months later they lay me off because "they are happy with me and would love to keep me, but they don't need 3 people in the dept and I am the low man". I really liked this job, they kept me busy.

I have had to work through my anger, disgust, panic and sadness. I was so angry with company B. Now though, I don't know. Im not crying as much as I did. Depression doesnt hit as often now. I guess the most horrifying thing to me was feeling like I was useless. That I was so easy to discard. I think it's a very basic human feeling to want to be of use-to be needed-to be wanted. I know it was a business decision pure and simple, but it felt like "we dont want you, you arent of enough value to keep".

It fucks with your head.

So now I am checking the websites daily for jobs, keeping my ear to the ground and so on. I have been embracing my inner "Martha Stewart".

Unemployment has made me really watch every penny. Since I use a lot of green chiles in cooking, I went to Sams Club to get the big packs of canned chiles. "Sorry, we dont cary it anymore, but we have the 5 lb can". WTF am I gonna do with a 5 lb can! I looked at the store. Walmart brand was .40 each. Cool, I buy a couple thinking I can get more later. Go back a week later and the same can was now .76 each. F that! I looked online for how to's and learned how to roast my own damn green chiles at home. 8 lbs of chiles later and now my freezer is well stocked. Lot of work, but they taste awesome! Not going back to canned. Ever.

Ok, I've gabbed your ear off enough for one day. I hope this update/rant hasn't depressed you too much.

Oh, if you know of anyone hiring for a production/prepress artist, shoot them my way!
Laters :)

Does this shirt make my butt look big?

Howdy campers, and welcome to a brand new year! 2010. Holy crap really? It seems like yesterday that we were all stocking up on water and canned goods because OH MY GOD the world was going to end-Y2K!!! RUN AAAAAHHHHH! I admit, I did buy extra bottles of water - you know, just in case. I justified it by the fact that my husband liked bottled water and he would consume it anyway...

Oh well, the world didnt end. We are all still here riding the blue green marble!

So today I decided I needed to start the year with a pedi. I used to go every two weeks but now I go once a month-we are all economizing you know :) So I had a relaxing pedi including cool sea green OPI polish and decided that since I had braved the mall, I was going to stop at Lane Bryant. The seasons are changing (at least in retailers minds) and so I thought there might be something interesting. Well, I did. I find it interesting that Lane Bryant and other stores for us big sexy bitches pays no attention to their real life clientelle.

Take for example the red number at the top. This top says less of "cute and sexy" and more of "cheap fingerhut bedspread" Come on, imagine someone say a size 26/28 in this top. Take a moment to get a good visual. Not pretty right? The ruffles and shiny material do nothing but make her look bigger. Sad thing is that this woman is probably a 10/12.

I like simpler clothing. Nice detailing sure but lets be real. Im a big girl. Sure I have a fantastic bustline and cleavage to die from, but framing my bodacious tatas in shiny red ruffles does nothing but make me look like I a) have absolutely no taste b) like looking 50 and c) dress in a room with no mirror.

This wasnt the worst top-by a long shot. The new sweaters are in candy colors straight out of 1984. They weren't cute then-they aren't cute now. Tank tops with ruffled layers...yeah no. It MIGHT be ok if they were meant to be worn with a light cardigan buuuut they aren't. Again visions of the 26/28 in this tank top... not pretty. I admit I am a 26/28. Granted Ive lost a little weight and am almost to 22/24 but still, I wouldnt be caught dead in this stuff. They cant honestly tell me that by adding sequins to the nipples of a empire waisted top is going to distract from my size. Rather than trying to distract with horrible ruffles, giant plastic jewels and sequins, lets try simple, flattering pretty clothing. Clothing that doesnt look like it belongs on my grandma-clothing that fits well-clothing that doesnt have patterns that look like a flamingo threw up. In other words, clothing that looks nice. Big girls are beautiful, why cant we have pretty clothes too?

We just need the retailers to pay attention.

Oh and btw retailers-big girls have big boobs. 28" tops on a woman with large breasts looks like a crop top. Really?? Seriously?? I dont think so! It seems they realize tops should be longer between 4 and 5x. Unfortunately for me-wearing a 3-4x, that doesnt really help.

Ah hell, maybe this is my calling. Going back to school-again for fashion design. Have you watched Project Runway? Not the current mess but the first 4 seasons? They design wonderful clothing-for size 0. An 8 year old girl is a size 0. Americans are getting bigger. I read somewhere that the average size of the American woman is a 12. A 12-not a 0. Sad that they ignore the pardon the pun-growing market for beautiful clothes in larger sizes.

Oh hell.

Well my friends, thats my rant. Take it, leave it, disregard it or learn from it-your choice.
'night.

So this is Christmas, and what have you done?

Well, something I HAVEN'T done is keep current on my blog! I could wax on with excuses but I think that just leaving it at "life can kick your ass and get in the way" is sufficient.

So wow, it's December 21st. The damn year is almost over. It's hard to believe but as I get older time is seeming to speed up. Do you remember as a kid, that it just took FOREVER for your birthday or Christmas to come? You would get sooo excited about parties and presents and holidays? I look back now from here and the passage of time at light speed leaves me speechless. I look at friends and family-having kids and believe it or not GRANDKIDS and I look in the mirror...the jumble of thoughts that come to me-it's hard to put into words. I dont feel old enough to have kids-AT ALL! But as my illustrious mother keeps reminding me (since I turned 30 btw) that Im almost 40. Holy Sh*t. Im not old enough to be almost 40. God, does that sound dumb.

You know, I feel screwed. Not only do I have to deal with the holiday blues but I get to deal with PMS on top of it. So, instead of just feeling old, ugly, fat and that everyone hates me, I get all that with a big dollup of holiday stress like a freaking cherry on top. Makes me think of Avenue Q's "It Sucks to be Me". Haha.

I guess time is a bitch that will catch us all.

Ive spent a bit on time on Facebook. Ok, yeah I admit I check every day. I have found old friends from high school, made new friends with old high school aquantances, met new model horse people and even a few famous people (who btw are just people like everyone else but with very public profile jobs-which is cool but I dont think I could take the constant scrutiny of every detail of my life). I see my friends status updates and feel privileged that I get to share even a small part of life with them. Highest of the high and lowest of the low, we are all riding around and around on the same blue marble in space, verdad?

Ok ok ok! I have to snap out of this. I guess that's what happens when you sit in an office by yourself all day, your mind starts spinning...

I will try to cheer up I promise, and I wont leave the blogging so long :)
later y'all
C

Gay Marriage Legalized in Vermont!

Did you hear? Today Vermont overrode their governor's veto and became the 4Th state to legalize gay marriage. For this, I stand and give them slow meaningful applause. You know-at the end of the movie when the underdog finally triumphs against the bully.

Gay Marriage-Why is this such a fervently contested issue, really! I'm going to say this slowly and simply. The state of marriage is a LEGAL CONTRACT. If it were not, you wouldn't need a license to do it. The thing that gets panties in a bunch is "holy matrimony" IE, marriage sanctified by a church or religion. Contrary to what the vehemently vocal anti gay marriage people say, marriage and holy matrimony are two different things that are not mutually inclusive of each other.

For example: 2 couples. One gets married by the justice of the peace while the other does the big church wedding. Both are legally married. Now, if marriage and holy matrimony were both required to have a legally recognized marriage, the couple what went to the JP would not be married. The gist is that a church or even religion is not required in this country to have a legally valid marriage.

People who happen to be gay are first and foremost PEOPLE. They have the right to enter into legal contracts the same as anyone else. WHY do people keeping beating on this issue?? If two people find each other on this insane planet, fall in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together GOOD FOR THEM! Plumbing has nothing to do with love. What someone does in the privacy of their home is none of my or anyone else's business. "Oh, it's a sin against God, the Bible says..." Yes, but the Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself. It doesn't make exceptions for color, race, creed, size or sexual orientation. Those are all man's prejudices. People who rail against gay marriage forget also "Judge not, lest ye be judged". I can hear the reaction now "OH, well, you can't pick and choose what parts of the Bible to listen to". Bullshit, that's what they do every time they protest a murdered gay man's funeral or picket a movie. They are choosing what parts they like and ignoring the rest. They get so wrapped up trying to force their views and judging others that they forget they are hurting people with their bigotry.

I remember years ago at my old job. I had a very sweet gay couple that came to my store. They were funny, kind, giving and very much in love. They were together 15 years before they had a commitment ceremony. Just after their 25Th anniversary of being together, one had a pulmonary embolism in their home. He died in his partners arms. Did the fact that they were two men make any difference of how they felt about each other? Absolutely not.

A couple things to consider
1) Anytime you hear someone argue anything about gays, put the word Black in place of gay. It wasn't that long ago that it was against the law for black and whites to marry. Sounds bad that way right?
2) If the validity of your marriage hinges on denying that right to someone else, what does that say about your marriage?

Peace and Love
C

Soundtrack for your life

Ah, so we meet again, or is it at first?
Ive been fascinated with an idea and I thought you guys would be interested in it. Ive talked before about the Soundtrack for your life. Well, I sat down and put some serious thought to it. If all that remained of your time on the earth was a 20 song soundtrack-what songs would it contain? A way to think of it is that is a person who never met you happened to hear your soundtrack, would they get a sense of who you was by the songs you chose? For me, they would be the songs that move me, make me laugh, cry, remember and think.

I didn't take this task lightly. Music is very important to me, it is with us from the day of our birth to the day of our death. It marks important days, memories, feelings, joys and sorrows. You are probably listening to mine right now. Don't worry, just hit pause if you don't want to listen right now.

Let's be clear. This is not a "20 songs that you would have on a desert island". This is 20 songs that define YOU.

So, here is my life soundtrack. At least, so far :)
1. Sugar Blue-Jeff Finlin. This is from the Elizabethtown soundtrack. It's quiet rhythm and grace make me think of my grandmother who passed away in 2005.
2. Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd. I hear this and I'm back in high school working at MacDonald's. This song was my first introduction to Floyd. My manager who I was desperately in love with played Floyd all the time. It echoed through the grill area. It made imagine soaring.
3.Time after Time - Eva Cassidy. This performance was live at Blues Alley. Eva passed away from cancer at 33. There is a haunted quality to her voice that touches me deeply.
4. Erotic City - George Clinton and the Parlament Funkadelic. Puts me square back in my Rocky Horror days. I had just moved out and discovered that I didn't have to be scared to be myself. If I wanted to sing "but he locked the door and gave me a disease" at the top of my lungs in a theater dressed in fishnets and a slip-I could.
I was free to be crazy, sexy and have fun!
5. Hang on St. Christopher-Tom Waits. My first few years of marriage. Hubby loved Waits and introduced me to it. This clip is from Big Time. Waits layers sound to the point of audio orgasm. Really.
6. Black Soul Choir - 16 Horsepower. The beginning of discovering a world of wonderful wild weird and amazing music. Kill the top 40 radio stations and explore!
7. Dear Mr. President - Pink. Makes me think of my brother. He is in the Army. He has sacrificed so much in the service of his country. His health, his first marriage. Takes me back to the days right before the beginning of the war. We said wait, they didn't listen.
8. Come as you are - Nirvana. This was the first Nirvana I ever heard. It marks the sea change between the 80's and 90's. When you think of music, there is before Nirvana and after Nirvana. This song says to me that its ok to be different.
9. I want it all - Queen. One of the last songs sung by Freddie Mercury. The power behind that voice gives me chills.
10. As Ugly as I seem - White Stripes. The guitar work and sweet simplicity of this song are very addictive. Beauty and simplicity will always go together after you listen to this.
11. Traveling Soldier - Dixie Chicks. I cry every time I hear this song. My brother gave his wife a cd with this song on it before he deployed the first time. My brother was supposed to be on a Black Hawk on his way home for leave. The helicopter was shot down. We didn't know for a day if he was alive or dead. This song takes me to that day, just sitting there not knowing what to do...
12. Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin. Schlocky I know, but this is a song that no matter how shitty my day is, makes me smile and remember simply to not worry, be happy.
13. Mad World - Gary Jules. I suffered from depression in high school. Lost, aching, painful depression. I used to say I felt like the red dot among the green dots-I didn't fit in. This song is the sound of my mind when I was depressed.
14. Sweet Dreams - Patsy Cline. Makes me think of my mother.
15. For the Longest Time-Billy Joel. Summer vacations when I was a kid. We would drive to Grandma's house. When this song came on the radio, mom, I and my brother would all sing along in harmony. Simple happiness comes with this song.
16. Yesterday - Beatles. Pure, simple, beautiful, soulful. Essential.
17. Ode to Joy - Beethoven. The sound of a ecstatic heart.
18. Fast Car - Tracy Chapman. I have had several copies of this album... I wore the tapes out listening to this. Another one that has a deep emotional reach.
19. Kathy's Song - Simon and Garfunkel. Beautiful ballad. Hard to decide between this, Neil Young Old Man and Bob Dylan Most of the time.
20. Every breath you take (acoustic)- Sting. Pure and clear. My 6th grade music teacher made us learn how to play this song on guitar. I remember her calling out chord changes. If only she had taught this version, maybe I would remember how to play it.

Ok, so there I am, laid bare to the "Innertubes". Comment, don't comment. I don't care. What I do care about is that you give some though to your own soundtrack. What would you pick and why?
Happiness guys. I will post a funky movie next time no worries ;)
C

Books and Wicked Awesome Intuition!

Hey guys

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I went shopping today. Not a big deal I know. Sticking with the axiom that there is no book better than a used book, I picked up a couple of books I'm interested in reading. One of them is Wicked. I started it when I got home. Slow start but it now has me hooked. Interesting look into the life of the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz. So far it has the Wicked Witch and Glinda the good witch as college roomies. I know, sounds silly but the way its written its intriguing.

I'm trying to take my own advise. I have vowed this year to challenge myself mentally. So, I'm reading more classics and trying to really diversify my music collection. So far, so good ;) Picked up another book titled "the Rose and the Briar" about American Ballads. It's next after Wicked. I also got the Portrait of Dorian Gray, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and the Milagro Beanfield War. I like reading the books that inspired movies. Let me be clear. Im not talking about the book of the movie of the book. I'm talking about the book before Hollywood (in a lot of cases) dumbs it down. I think when I'm done with this lot of books, I will try to find a used copy of the Odyssey. I haven't read it since college, so I am looking forward to reading it again. There is a great used book store called Bookmans, but I think its more fun if you find it randomly in a thrift store. I like thinking the book has a past. Oh, I joined a website called bookcrossing.com. It's cool, after you read a book, you register it on the site and "release it to the wild". You leave it in a restaurant, on a table, in a store, on a park bench...you get the idea. It plays into my liking a book to have a past *smile*.

Going along with my own advise, I am also listening to my gut intuition. I don't know, its just strange gut feelings about stuff... and now you think that I think I'm psychic and a TOTAL WEIRDOOOO! Yeah, not so much haha! I think we are all better off listening to that little voice. There have been studies on premonition. There have been many cases where there was a disaster and the death toll was far lower than it should have been because people were late, felt sick and or just felt like they shouldn't go in that day. 9/11 has a lot of these stories. Google premonition and 9/11, it's pretty amazing.

Dont think badly of me. I am relatively normal, quiet and happy. Just remember, in the game of life, it's ALWAYS the quiet ones... *sly smile and a wink* (getting tired of colon and a parenthesis, aren't you??)

Goodnight, goodluck, and tell your loved ones you love them everyday.
and for God's sake, COMMENT already! I LIKE COMMENTS! It makes this less of an exersise in futility and more of a "contribution to the world"...
peace.
Christine

Magnolia and Aimee Mann- twofer tonight-You will LOVE this movie or ELSE!

Evening guys
Well, to top off my stellar week, I lost my temporary crown and thus, my mouth is sore. Thank god for Percocet is all I can say... haha.

So, did you watch the Oscars? I saw about half. I decided to go to the movies this afternoon. I went to see Taken. Good movie. As with many movies, you did have to suspend reality a bit in places but overall it had great pace and action without it getting boring.

While watching the lead in for a commercial during the Oscars, I heard a snip of a song by Aimee Man called Save Me. It is from a movie that is worth revisiting. It is called Magnolia.

I sure you have figured out by now that I like ensemble films. This wonderful film had so much to it that I cant possibly sum up everything in a couple of paragraphs. The director was PT Anderson. He takes his characters and weaves a story of interaction, connection and isolation and the walls we put up in our worlds to protect us from pain. Anderson spends small amounts of time with each set of characters but really develops them to the point that we are thoroughly invested in their lives and outcomes. The strength of the movie is the subtly. An expression. The tone the actors use when delivering a line and their appearance speak more to who they are as people than the words that they say.

Whether it be Frank TJ Mackey or Daniel Plainview, Anderson's characters are so disturbed by their own realizations of themselves and, in Mackey’s case, their past that they alienate those around them and themselves from the world. Mackey is so shut off from the world that he uses degrading women as a way of distancing himself from intimacy, which clearly pained him in his childhood. If we look at one of the more interesting, and astoundingly heartbreaking, relationships in the film (John C Reilly and Melora Walters) we see a couple that are so wounded by the world that they grasp at some form of happiness, even if that happiness would be more destructive than good.

The cast is rounded out by William H Macy, Julliane Moore, Tom Cruse, Philip Baker Hall, Philip Seymor Hoffman, Jason Robards, Alfred Molina and many more. It comes together to make not only a movie but a deep heart wrenching statement about ourselves, the damage we do to those we love, the mental scars left and finding a way through the pain to start healing.

You know that along with my love of a really good ensemble, I love a good soundtrack. This one is no exception. It is a beautifully written collection of songs by Aimee Mann. They are beautiful, touching and tragic.

I thought about soundtracks today. I wondered if you can have a crappy movie with a good soundtrack. Answer would be yes, I think so. BUT, can you have an excellent movie with a shit soundtrack...? Would this movie have been as powerful if it had ________(insert generic manufactured teen craptactular singer here)? Who knows.
All I can say is the music is a beautiful compliment to the movie and helps move the movie forward. Which is the goal of a good soundtrack. Its a bonus when it is completely listenable on it's own.


Alas my friends, the medication is finally kicking in so I think Im off to bed. Wish me luck at the dentists tomorrow. Yeeha. :(

OMG Why does the world STINK!

Yes, you should fear the rant. Really.

It has been a hard week. Ok, let's not sugar coat. It sucked great big hairy dog balls. How's that mental image coming?

Y-U-K

Hubby had to go out of town until next week. So, I decided to do something happy for me. Ive got a beer, a face mask on, bra off and Steve Earle in the cd player. Oh, and cheddar bunnies. Have you tried cheddar bunnies?? They are made by Annies and are the healthier alternative to cheezits. Yummy man, yummay!

Well, I decided since hubby was gone I would do some in depth cleaning. I needed a few things I was out of, namely dish and laundry soap. So, I swallowed my pride and bile and stopped at Walmart. I hate Walmart a lot, but there are a couple things that only they carry that I like. So, off I went.

Now, Walmart isn't redneck heaven, it comes in second to Harbor Freight (dont get me started on the humanity that goes in there). There is a lot of crazy fun people watching you can do in a Walmart. You can see everything at ol'Wally. The most interesting today was a young man intently scrutinizing cheese in the "got testosterone" tshirt and the emo kid that stopped in front of an endcap full of Kellogs corn flakes making excited "HUM! HUM!" sounds for about 20 seconds. The best one was the lady at the checkouts. I couldn't see her (she was short and I'm only 5'3" so there you go). All I could see was her hair. It was dyed Ronald McDonald red and was moused straight up. We are talking STRAIGHT-cartoon scared-straight. She was squawking loudly to the cashier about "make sure you get this" and so forth. Reminded me of Foghorn Leghorn, the big obnoxious cartoon rooster.
Free entertainment at wallyworld-too cool!

Unfortunately for me, there is another thing Wally is abundant in. Stinky smelly people. I walked through cloud after cloud while looking for my detergent. There should be a few rules for people to go out in public.

#1 BATHE. Whether its "old guy who hasn't bathed in a month" or "I'm so manly, I just worked out" or the dreaded 12 year old boy who just finished playing soccer. The 12 year old is the worst because at that age, their hormones are kicking into gear yet they don't realize that they should bathe more. eeeeyyuuuk. Bathing should be common sense right?? Hmm.

#2 BRUSH YOUR TEETH/USE GUM. "Oh, you had the garlic marinated chicken with onions for lunch?"...great. This is also the person who has no clue about personal space. I had a customer a few years ago who owned a restaurant. French food IE stinky cheeses. NO concept of personal space. He would look over my shoulder at the computer-we are talking his face 6 inches from mine. I'm sure he thought I had allergies cause I never breathed through my nose around him. Dentists tell us to floss for a reason. Food gets caught between teeth and ROTS. Heat rotting food at say 98.6 and oh god, gives me the heaves.

#3 NO BEANS, BROCCOLI or anything that gives you the farts. Its not funny or cute to "sow the field". If you have gas, go to the bathroom and let er rip! Don't toot a path down 3 aisles of the grocery store. Please? Fart clouds are GROSS!

#4 NO POLO or GRANDMA PERFUME. If I can tell where you have been in a store because of your Polo trail-you might be wearing TOO MUCH! Cologne and perfume are not substitutes for BATHING! One lady had on so much grandma perfume that you could taste it in the air. Now honestly, do you think I WANT to taste grandma perfume? Umm, yeah sure-I don't f*cking think so!

#5 IF YOUR KID TAKES A DUMP, FOR GOD'S SAKE CHANGE HIM! Babies poop and pee. I totally accept that. What kills me is the mom who says "oh my, junior just pooped" and CONTINUES TO SHOP FOR a 1/2 hour treating everyone in the vicinity to the dirty diaper smell. I don't want to try to pick out salad dressing while smelling your kid's dirty diaper. It's not good for the baby's skin to sit in sh*t for 20 minutes. Best part on this one-and yes, I experienced dirty diaper kid today too, was that Mom had the super jumbo pack of diapers in the cart.

#6 Cigarette breath. Not pleasant. VERY not enjoyable. Cigarette smoke permeate the lining of the lungs. Yes, it can cause cancer, but the stale ciggy smell can and does come up from the lungs while you breathe. So, mints help but they don't fix the bad breath. You know what the cure is, I don't have to say it. "Oh, you don't know, you mean non smoker you!" Oh yeah? I smoked for 17 years. I know what I'm talking about from the viewpoint of the smeller and the smelly. Consider quitting, it's mind over matter. Believe me, being able to breathe MATTERS.

Ok, I think I have chewed your ear enough tonight. If you ask nicely I might chew on it some more...rawr.
Paz a todos (peace to all)
C

In Arizona, Colorado or Oregon? You have to go to this store!

Howdy hi and hello
Yeah, I'm back. Ive been contemplating what to talk about. I have told you about music and movies, I've gone emo, nutty, crazy and so forth.
I think it might be time for a little naughty.

Yeah you dirty bugger, I said naughty.

Now. There are certain things that are part of the human condition. The need for companionship and love are right up on top. They segue well with another "need". Hehe, yes-the urge to merge.

Sex is a billion dollar industry. There are many stores that cater to every kink that floats your boat. Things that buzz, hum, wiggle, inflate, vibrate...you get the picture. Now, if the thought of going into one of "those" places makes you turn redder than a cherry (yes, if you are counting that was a pun) I have the shop for you.

Fascinations is a chain of "toy" stores for grownups in Arizona, Colorado or Portland, Oregon. They are clean, well lit and staffed by friendly and knowledgeable sales people. OK, I'm a grown up in touch with my wants and needs and I have been in a couple of adult shops. Im married after all, so sex has come up every once in a while (that's two-two puns, mwha haha). When most people think of an adult store, they think dirty, perverts jackin off in corners, hookers out back doing $10 BJ's.
Not the case with this little corner of kinkville ;)

Hubby and I went in a couple weeks ago to replace a particular item. I had an idea of what I wanted but didn't know where to look. The sales person took us right to a giant wall of items in all shapes, colors sizes and textures. I told him what I wanted and he got it and started to tell me about some of its functions-even taking it out of the package to demonstrate the controls. There was no blushing, no shyness, no embarrassment. He was very matter of fact and considerate. He then suggested a lube and cleaner that would work well with the item. As we talked to him, I looked around. I saw a lesbian couple who were being helped by another sales person. She was telling them about Pyrex dildos. There were several other couples looking at vibrating items and cockrings. It reminded me of a dept store, but for fun stuff!

I know, you are calling foul on me. I am supposed to be upfront about things. After all, we are trying to be the change ya know...?! Vibrators are fun and can enhance sex. Making a great thing even greater-I'm all for it!

So, I'm recommending Fascinations as a stop you must make if you ever visit AZ, CO or OR!
You want a vib, lube, the "Kong" dong, handcuffs, penis shaped pasta, chocolate flavored body oil, giant blowup sheep and MORE, they have it AND service with a smile to boot! Oh, and did I mention they do HOME PARTIES!! Oh Boy Oh Boy!

Here is a link for them http://www.fascinations.net
Let the games begin!

A treat for Valentines Day-a Black Comedy!

Well, good morning! Well, its morning for me.

I was checking out the traffic here yesterday. Seems the only person interested in love besides me is the guy from Saudi looking for "Big Black Booty". YIIIIIKERS. HAHA! Well, I guess loving big black booty is still love, so um, power to ya dude!

Let's see, yesterday I gave you the meaning of love, at least how I define it. Now, on a day filled with candy, hearts, pink and red everything and sloppy sentiments, I think we need a cure, or at least something to cut the saccharine-ness of today. What should I rot your mind with today...? Oh! I know!! You're movie today is Heathers, staring Christian Slater and Winona Ryder.

It starts with Veronica compromising who she is to be one of the "Heathers" the most popular group in school. She tries to fit in while hating them. While taking a lunchtime survey, she meets Jason Dean, a dark rebel. They start a whirlwind romance that includes the pair murdering several of their classmates. They cover the murders by making them look like suicides. The murders include death by Drano and a faked gay tryst between the star football players. Of course, hijinks ensue! Some of my favorite lines from this movie
"my teenage angst bullshit has a body count" "Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?" "I have to motor if I want to make the funeral" and "corn nuts!"
Do you remember the video for "Smells like Teen Spirit"? The gym? That was taken from the climatic scene in Heathers where JD tries to blow up the school gym during assembly.

This movie is Slater at his "Nicholson/Rebel Without a Cause" best and Ryder fresh from Beetlejuice and well, just "Very".

I know, its from 1988. Now stop the "EWWW 80's!" This movie rocked. So grab your remote, your sweetie and some corn nuts and watch Heathers.

Beeee Gooooood!
C

Oh, IMDB link http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/

What is Love, really?!?

Ah, the question for the ages. Ranks right up there with "What is the meaning of life". I thought this was a good topic for Valentine's eve.

Everyone KNOWS what love is right? Can you put it into words? I'm talking about the real deal guys, not "Oh I love __________, he's so HOT". To me, love is having the deepest connection to another person possible-when you try to imagine your life without them, you cant. Love like this feels like a part of you-natural and necessary, like breathing. You look forward to every moment you spend with them. There is nothing so bad that they can do to ever make you want to be without them.

I love my husband. He is my friend, my lover, my partner, my companion, my rock. He tucks me into bed at night and holds my hand as we fall asleep. He looks at me in the morning-hair in every direction, bad breath and no makeup and the first thing he says is that I'm beautiful.

I was very very sick a few years ago. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks. I had a tube in my throat and therefore, I could not make a sound. There were several procedures they had to do to me that will remain nameless because even I don't want to think about the specifics. As I silently screamed during them, he looked into my eyes and held my hand. No one should ever have to see someone they love go through that, but he stayed with me.

I remember when we met. It was like running into an old friend, like we knew each other instinctively. There was never any of the awkward "does he like me or does he LIKE me" between us. As cheesy and cliched as it sounds, we just KNEW. There is a quote from a popular book that describes love like gravity, you come together because there is no other way to be.

Hubby and I only knew each other 6 weeks before getting engaged. I wondered why it took him so long to ask. He told me years later that he wanted to ask me 3 weeks before he did. 15 years later and we are still happily together.

So, that is love to me.

When we got married, my aunt made us a cross stitch picture. It was of the famous "Love is Patient, Love is Kind" poem. It is taken from a Bible verse, 1 Corr, chapter 13, verses 4-8. It hags on our bedroom wall.
This is it...

"Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in wrong,
but rejoices in the right.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends".

Ok, wipe your eyes, its ok :)
Tomorrow, I will give you a nice dark romantic comedy to watch with your sweetheart.
Peace
C

OMG! You HAVE to listen to this band!!

Hey guys! Welcome back to my strange little corner of cyberspace. It's cold tonight-the f*cking weather guy said strong possibility of snow. Snow-here-in Tucson. F*ck. No, Im not scared to say fuck, but Im trying to watch my mouth (fingers) hehe.

So Im sitting here in a shawl a friend made me for christmas. I had to go put socks on with my super awesome bunny slippers and my toes are STILL cold! At work, I had to pull out my little desktop heater. My fingers get bone cold easily and cold fingers combined with being a graphic artist...as you can imagine they dont go together too well. I will have this project from hell done tomorrow OH THANK GOD! 2 1/2 weeks of designing this program, yeah, Im a bit toasted. At least next year I will have all my working files to build on. This year no such luck. I had to pull the majority from pdf. Not hard but a pain in the arse just the same.

So, to comfort myself, I went looking for a band. This band was featured in a movie I recommended a week or so ago, Wristcutters. The band is called Gogol Bordello. Now, before I tell you a little bit about them, you have to remember my tastes can run a little odd... I love music that has a certain lust for life to it. I want fun, depth and joy. I want to hear how much the muscians loves what they do. Nothing sucks worse than a band that gets famous and mails it in (sorry but Metallica, are you listening? Load, Reload, Wide Load...come on guys!)

So, Gogol Bordello is my band to listen to tonight. They describe themselves as gypsy punk or gypsy folk. This music is so much fun to listen to-you really will not be able to sit still. It is a multicultural band of 8 people. Instruments include cymbals, accordian, saxaphone, fiddle, bass drum and um, fire buckets along with the more normal drums, guitar and bass. Their front man, Eugene Hütz, is a survivor of the Chernobyl disaster. His family relocated to New York and in 1999, he formed the band that would become Gogol Bordello. I have the album pictured above "Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike". I went to Borders yesterday to get their latest release, Super Taranta! The song link is from the Gypsy Punks album and is called "Start wearing purple". Oh yes, I think I might need some purple RIGHT NOW! "Super Taranta" is a terrific album the whole way through. Songs of note are Ultimate, Wonderlust King and Super Taranta!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_81l4DXlwM

I looked up their website www.gogolbordello.com to see if they were touring soon. No dates as of yet but I discovered they were in Tucson last august at a local venue, the Rialto Theater. Man, I was bummed. I heard from a friend that their live shows are an experience not to be missed. So, Im not letting a damn thing stop me next time they come-I WILL see them live!

If you are tired and bored to death by Rhianna, Chris Brown, Fergie and their ilk, give GB a listen. Top 40 can kiss my butt!

On a sad note, I wanted to mention that Orlando "Cachaito" Lopez, the acclaimed bassist of Cuba's legendary Buena Vista Social Club, passed away today. He was 76. For Señor Lopes, resto en la paz señor, usted será echado de menos. Gracias por la musica. Vaya con Dios.

Sleep well to all on this side of the pond, and good morning to everyone on the OTHER side of the pond.
Paz a todos!
C

Ready for your friday movie?? Great Tunes on this one too-Break out the Netflix!

Hey there again
I've noticed a few new blips on the feedjit from around the globe so welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere.

I saw a reader from Iraq the other day and it got me thinking. We hear about all these far off places in the news, paper, internet and such. We see the pictures and hear the words, but sometimes I dont think we understand something. Those bombings in Gaza, Prince Charles, Jack Nicholson, crying babies in Africa...they all have something in common. Its profound but simple. We are all on same planet, all breathe the same air and feel the same feelings. I read somewhere that with every breath you take, you breathe in 50,000 molecules of air that Leonardo da Vinci breathed. Wow, you-I-your neighbor breathe the same air as da Vinci. It gave me a very profound sense of being connected to people and history.

I know, you are waiting for me to wax philosopical for a few minutes before you start yelling "GET TO THE POINT!" Well, the point is tonight's movie, Night on Earth.

Night on Earth came out in 1991. It is the story of one moment on Earth in 5 taxi cabs in 5 different cities, LA, Rome, Paris, New York and Helsinki. It has an amazing ensemble cast including Gina Rowlands, Wynona Ryder, Rosy Perez, Armin Mueller Stahl and Roberto Benigni. It was directed by Jim Jarmusch.

The stories include
LA-A talent agent finds the perfect person for a part in a movie in her cab driver. The driver is a young girl happy driving a cab and who aspires to be a mechanic. The agent tries to get the driver to audition but she is reluctant to give up her happy life for fame.
Rome-My favorite story of the 5. The taxi driver takes the fare of a priest. As he drives the priest, the driver decides to confess to the priest. He tells a tale so shocking that the priest dies from a heart attack.
New York- An immigrant cab driver is continually lost in a city and culture he doesn't understand.
Paris - A blind girl takes a ride with a cab driver from the Ivory Coast and they talk about life and blindness.
Helsinki - an industrial worker gets laid off and he and his compatriots discuss the bleakness and unfairness of love and life and death.

One of the true gems of this movie is the soundtrack. It is by Tom Waits. Tom is kind of an aquired taste, but he is just...so good its really hard to describe. He has a gift for layering sound and using obscure instrumentation. Over his career he has spanned blues to avante garde. He is a musician's musician and worthy in every sense of the name Troubadour. I highly recommend giving Waits a listen. The first time you might sit there and say "WTF is that"! That's ok, I definately had my wtf moment the first time. But I gave it another listen and it really grows on you. This soundtrack is a good introduction to Tom Waits. I mean it, listen a couple times, especially "Back in the Good old World". Tom rarely tours and tickets go in minutes, but oh so worth it.

So there you have it, tunes and a movie all in one neat package! Feel free to comment on any of the movies and music I have talked about. Im feeling like Rocketman-its lonely out here in cyberspace! Keep sane, be good and wear your seatbelt!
later gaters!
C

Where is Bill Hicks when I need him to kick some butt?

You are reading the title and going "Oh shit". Naaa, just really weary of badly behaved people tonight. A coworker-and I use the word "work" (solitare all day) loosly, has been a burr in my ass for the last two weeks. He and his buddy (client) have been watching over my shoulder (micromanaging me) every day as I design a program for a local event. I am truly hoping tomorrow they leave me in peace so I can put the bastard job to bed.

So, ok. I guess I am in a bit of a mood. Tonight, I'm in a Bill Hicks mood. I found a cd at Bookmans (www.bookmans.com) called "Bill Hicks, the Flying Saucer Tour, vol 1". It is a concert recording of him in Pennsylvania in 1991. The audience was awful...they didnt get it all all. It gives true meaning to "flying saucer tour"-basically Bill was seen in small hick towns, the same places that you hear about people seeing flying saucers. God, I can tell Im tired, I cant even speel ;)

Ok, so if you are sitting there asking "Who is Bill Hicks" you are making me sad. Bill was an amazing comedian from Texas. I cant begin to summarize the life and greatness of Bill. The best way to share Bill is via the website his family set up for him, www.billhicks.com. Read the bio, really. Then, go get Relentless.

His career breakthrough was cut short in 1994 when died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 32. He made no appologies about drugs, sex, politics...pretty much name it. He called it the "Comedy of Hate, join me". He joked about LA (Hell-A) falling into the ocean after the "big one" leaving a beautiful oceanfront property called "Arizona Bay".

Ok, so I admit, Im not a great novelist like Steven King (Sheeesh man, chill out on Steph Meyer already. Just because you havent written anything relevant in the last 20 years is no reason to pick on someone for being sucessful-jelousy is ugly man, just ugly) oh, was I ranting?? Well, my POINT and yes there is one,(beside the fact that I cant summarize for shit) is to check out Bill Hicks.
Bill, you left us way too early and you are sincerely missed. RIP.

As far as YOU-MR or MS Reader, your assignment is to look up Bill Hicks and listen to him. Let me know what you think. You know me, I will continue to rant to myself and cyberspace, even if you dont read me or comment. It is my catharsis, after all ;)
Peace, and tommorrow, I will assign another movie! I promise, its a good and obscure movie and you will love it. Why, because I told you to. My blog, my talking to myself, my rules!!

Heya! Got some music to groove too? Try this!

Hey guys
I know, it's been a couple days. I dont like to blog if Im not inspired, it just comes off as incipid drivel. But tonight, ahh inspiration strikes. Driving home from work tonight... You guys remember, I like to roll the windows down and enjoy the desert as the sun goes down. Well, the stereo hubby got for me for Christmas has an ipod jack. So, he let me have his ipod as well so I could listen to lots of music I like.

Im driving home along the river just paying attention to the sights and smells of the desert. It was amazing. I could smell the clean earthy smell of the dirt, the sweet musky mesquite burning in a fireplace. I could smell the fantastic bbq place near my work. The owner is really cool and he smokes all the meats onsite. He had the smoker on and the smell just travels... As I crossed the Rillito river bridge, I caught the scent of honeysuckle that was profusely blooming along the river walk trail. During this, the most perfect music was playing on the ipod. I hadn't heard the album in a long time but it just blew me away. It was Pink Floyd, Animals.

Ah, Floyd. Floyd while driving home with the vast expanse of the desert around me. It was almost like hearing the earth breathe.

Hearing this album made me go and get another of my favorite Floyd albums. I got my cd player and went out into my backyard to watch the mountains turn gold then red as the sun set.

Delicate Sound of Thunder. You know this one, it had the lightbulb suit on the cover. This album was my first exposure to Floyd. I know I know, but I had a very conservative upbringing. For god's sake, I missed Kiss ENTIRELY!! My mother didnt allow THAT kind of music in the house. But I digress and thank GOD I escaped to be the little sicko you all know, read and love ;)

The first song that sticks in my memory of Floyd is "Learning to Fly". I was in high school and I had such a crush on my manager. He drove a Camaro and I didn't even hold that against him ;) He was big into Floyd. We used to work close saturdays together. That meant Floyd blasted from the time we locked the doors at 11pm to the time we left at 2:30am. I remember Learning to Fly. It made a distinct memory of happiness during a time that I didnt have a lot of happy in my life...

So tonight I remembered those nights at McDonalds, listening to Floyd and being desparately in love with my manager. I sat in the cool of the evening, smelling the orange and lemon tree and getting lost in the music. Would have been the perfect moment to smoke a joint, except for the fact that I never have smoked pot... Besides, I can't smoke at all anymore. It's not just the "smoking is bad" thing. It's the weak lungs - smoking can kill me - thing.

Oh well, at least I have my cool evening, my Floyd, my memories and the smell of honeysuckle.

Twofer tonight! Music to hear AND a Movie you have to see!

So, I haven't blogged in a couple days, sorry! But I'm going to make it up to you right now.

Well which first, movie or music? Let's go music shall we? Tonight, I am recommending Rainer Ptacek.
This man was an amazing singer, songwriter and guitarist. Was, yes that is correct. Rainer passed away from a brain tumor in 1997. Here is some video of him on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFNsbNAB5zw&feature=related
and info about him on wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainer_Ptacek

He was highly influential for many artists, such as Robert Plant, Emmylou Harris, Jimmy Page and Billy Gibbons. He had a beautiful, pure sound. Very good music to sit back and chill to. The guitar work is so...wow. You have to hear it to really hear what I mean.

When he got sick, he had no health insurance. So, to try to help with the medical bills, a group of friends and admirers came together to make a benefil album. This is the album I am listening to tonight. It is called The Inner Flame. It is a compelation of Rainer's songs perfomed by himself and other artists. It is a beautiful tribute to a man who left a big hole in the world of music. I dont know how available the album is, but I was able to find it on amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Inner-Flame-Rainer-Ptacek-Tribute/dp/B000002JD0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1232855713&sr=1-2

You will not regret this album. It is worth the time and effort to aquire it.

Now, for your movie...Those with Comcast are in for a wonderful black comedy. Go to the OnDemand-free movies and look up Wristcutters, a Love Story.
It's based on Etgar Keret's short story "Kneller's Happy Campers". It stars Patrick Fugit and Shannyn Sossamon.

Zia (Patrick Fugit), distraught over breaking up with his girlfriend, decides to end it all. Unfortunately, he discovers there is no real ending, only a run-down afterlife that is strikingly similar to his old one, just a bit worse. Discovering that his ex-girlfriend has also “offed” herself , he sets out on a road trip, with his Russian rocker friend, to find her. Their journey takes them through an absurd purgatory where they discover that being dead doesn’t mean you have to stop living.

This movie did well at Sundance in 2006. I remember seeing it listed on fandango. I thought the concept life after death being just like life but a little worse was interesting. I tried to see it in a theater, but like with too many indie films, it was in one theater for all of twenty minutes, so I didnt get to go. I like dark comedies so I was so happy to see this one come up on OnDemand. If you enjoyed Sweeny Todd, Nightmare before Christmas and Edward Scissorhands, you will like this one! It has a website www.wristcutters.com and a here is a link for imdb
http://imdb.com/title/tt0477139/

Enjoy and let me know if you like my recommendations! If not, I'm just sitting here talking to myself in cyberspace....
C

Movies you have to see: Pan's Labyrinth

Ok guys, we have finally sworn in the new president. Let's let him get settled. In the mean, it's time for another movie recommendation. I can recommend all sorts of movies, but I'm trying to talk about ones that you might not have seen, but should. Today, I thought, do we need a "chick flick" or something with a bit more meat to it. I decided it's a meat day. I found a very good review on www.sledgeweb.com. Rather than me butchering the synopsis, I'm going to borrow a bit from it. :)

In 2006, movie came out called Pan's Labryinth. It was critically acclaimed, but not a lot of people saw it. Labyrinth was written and directed by Guillermo del Toro. This film won three Academy Awards: Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, and Best Makeup. Don't let that lead you to believe this is just an f/x movie though, at the heart of Pan's Labyrinth is a beautifully tragic story about a little girl, Ofelia, who escapes the disturbing world around her into a fantasy whose frightening characters pale in comparison to her real world demons.

Labyrinth is like a much darker, grown up version of Narnia. It's been described as a fairy tale for adults. We tend to think of fairy tales today as nice bedtime children's stories, but at their root, fairy tales have always been about our fears. Del Toro expertly contrasts the fears we face in our real world, versus the fears Ofelia faces in her fantasy reality. In the end, Labyrinth contrasts innocence with evil, and asserts that while evil may temporarily overcome innocence, in the end, it is innocence itself that destroys evil.

The harshness of the subject matter is balanced by the beautiful cinematography, which lends a sublime dreamlike quality to the story. Indeed, the entire art direction of the movie is near perfect. Labyrinth is one of those rare accomplishments that becomes more than just a film, it is a piece of art - skillfully stitched together and succeeding on several levels. It stands as a masterpiece of imagination and creativity, and begs the viewer to move around it in order to view it's construction from different perspectives (as any good piece of art does).

In addition to the themes and psychology of fantasy, reality, and fear, Pan's Labyrinth is also deeply involved in examining human relationships. Ofelia is dragged into a terrifying situation when her pregnant, and sickly, mother marries a Spanish Captain (a personification of evil) out of necessity. Forced to live together, Ofelia struggles to resolve her inner emotional conflict between the step-father she despises, the mother she loves, and the unborn brother she comforts by speaking stories to. Her struggle to resolve the relationships around her lead Ofelia into a fantasy world, full of disturbing characters and very real danger. There, she learns that she is a princess from an underground kingdom, who's soul has been lost for ages. In order to reclaim her throne, she must overcome three challenges submitted to her by an aged faun in order to prove her soul is still intact. Is this fantasy world real? Or, is it a protective creation of her psyche? Del Toro leaves this question to be resolved individually by the viewer.

There was only one scene that I found to be truly disturbing but, in this case, the violence is necessary to demonstrate the evil and harsh real world situation in which Ofelia finds herself. In addition to the violence, the fantasy realm deals with some very disturbing creatures and situations that you may find scary. This is not a film to watch with small kids. The movie is in Spanish, and subtitled in English. It is rated R. It

If you like fantasy, and like films that actually have a good story at their core, I highly recommend Pan's Labyrinth. Check it out, and let me know what you think
C

The Big Fat Lie

This picture is the reality of "Ana" This girl died due to complications from Anorexia.

I recently became friends with a young woman on facebook. Not unusual I know. The reason I decided to be friends with her might be.

One of my friends tagged me to do a "25 random things about you" list. I did and tagged 25 people-well, 19 as that is all I have in my friends ;) I was looking at a few other lists that tagged some of the people I had and came across this girl's "50 things about me" list. I read about how she hated her body, her shape, her size...how she was so fat. I think she weighs all of 110 pounds. I saw a pretty girl, she saw FAT and UGLY. She is 17. I thought about my self image and self esteem at her age. I felt awkward and shy. I was smart and pretty, just very shy with the same low self esteem and body image issues as my new friend. I am 5'3" and at that time I was a size 14. I was healthy-not a stick but not "fat".

My mother has had a lifelong weight and self esteem battle. My entire life she has been on a diet. I was raised on diet soda and "low fat" because oh dear god you don't want to be FAT! Well, I'm now 37. I am a overweight person. Man, that is a hard line to type. I am and I admit it. My mother now sends me all sorts of diet this and loose weight now that, recipes from spark people, gift subscriptions to weight watchers magazine and articles on how "fat people can't_________. Yeah, that's right, it is a fill-in the blank. Because if you can think it, she has sent it to me. She makes statements like "well, when you loose weight you will be happy" I am a happy contented person but all she sees is fat. Since she con notates fat with unhappiness, she assigns that unhappiness to me.

And why? Why the hysteria at the mere word FAT? I have my own theories which I will share but first, I did a little googly research before starting this entry tonight. I started with one word. Anorexia. I saw stories and pictures of dead and dying people who look like they were right out of the concentration camps. The difference is that these poor souls have starved themselves. The stories are heartbreaking, lives just starting being ended by this quest for skinny.

But alas, the Internet can shock more. When I did the anorexia search, I found other sites. Sites about life with "Ana" and "Mia". Ana and Mia are Anorexia and Bulimia. These sites offer weight loss support and encouragement for anorexics and bulimics. It was a how to for eating disorders. Hints on how to hide your disease, how to pretend to eat, how to work through the hunger...on and on. Other sites I saw were nofatchicks.com which made fun of fat girls including pictures. Sad to say, several of the people they labeled fat were not. Oh, don't forget the pictures of "happy" fat guys emblazoned with "I BEAT ANOREXIA" tshirts.

Which brings me back to why. Why is fat a dirty word? My thoughts on the whole thing, well...
1. Fashion magazines and clothing designers are designing for women with the body of a 8 year old boy. I read somewhere that the average size of the American woman is a size 14. When will the fashion industry wake up to reality. Real women generally are not a size 0-2. Real women have curves and breasts and butts. Real women eat carbs. A woman who wears a size 0-2 has no boobs let alone a cleavage. Guys, you like to motorboat?? You won't get far with one of these women. The fashion industry makes us feel inadequate and fat - no matter if you are never going to be 5'10" and 100 pounds.

2. The diet industry is a multi billion dollar business. What do you think would happen to their pills and books and programs if they actually worked? What if their products really "cured" obesity? Bye bye business. It is their job along with the fashion industry to make you hate yourself and not be able to accept yourself. If you look in the mirror and say "god I hate the way I look" and then slimquick, or Jenny Craig, or Alli commercial comes on the TV... That if you take brand X, you will loose weight and your life will be perfect! News flash, life isn't perfect, no matter what pill or program or book you buy. My mother's favorite magazine-Woman's World- has a new diet every week. I mentioned this to her. She said "no they don't". I let it drop but she later came to me and said that she had gone through 2 years of the magazine (yeah, she keeps them) and that I was right. Not only did every one of the 104 magazines have a diet but that they seemed to rotate. Several of the diets pop up over and over. So, this magazine has a stake in you feeling fat. If you are fat and want to diet -"Here's the magic secret", their magazine.

I am fat. Their are things about my body that I do not like. If you have read my blog in the past, you know that I can be blunt but that I don't lie. Diets are a lie. There is no magic bullet or pill to loose weight. I am working on my weight but I am doing it for the right reasons. I want to be healthier. I know that loosing weight is a journey. It took time to gain, it will take time to loose. It is about making good choices. Do you buy the Super chunky hungry man stew or do you make chili at home with turkey and barley? Do you go for the super size coke and fries with your double quarter pounder or do you get a grilled chicken sandwich plain and eat only the meat and give the bun to the pigeons? Well, that's not enough to eat you say? Get the super large ice tea and a fruit and walnut salad. Go to Wing Stop or Subway?

Great book out now called "Eat This Not That". It is a great help for people of all sizes trying to make better eating choices.

It all comes down to you. You have to love you. You can still not like your stomach but if you don't love yourself then how do you expect anyone else to see how great you really are? I'm fat but I really, really do love myself :) Don't ever forget to love YOU too!!