Yes, you should fear the rant. Really.
It has been a hard week. Ok, let's not sugar coat. It sucked great big hairy dog balls. How's that mental image coming?
Y-U-K
Hubby had to go out of town until next week. So, I decided to do something happy for me. Ive got a beer, a face mask on, bra off and Steve Earle in the cd player. Oh, and cheddar bunnies. Have you tried cheddar bunnies?? They are made by Annies and are the healthier alternative to cheezits. Yummy man, yummay!
Well, I decided since hubby was gone I would do some in depth cleaning. I needed a few things I was out of, namely dish and laundry soap. So, I swallowed my pride and bile and stopped at Walmart. I hate Walmart a lot, but there are a couple things that only they carry that I like. So, off I went.
Now, Walmart isn't redneck heaven, it comes in second to Harbor Freight (dont get me started on the humanity that goes in there). There is a lot of crazy fun people watching you can do in a Walmart. You can see everything at ol'Wally. The most interesting today was a young man intently scrutinizing cheese in the "got testosterone" tshirt and the emo kid that stopped in front of an endcap full of Kellogs corn flakes making excited "HUM! HUM!" sounds for about 20 seconds. The best one was the lady at the checkouts. I couldn't see her (she was short and I'm only 5'3" so there you go). All I could see was her hair. It was dyed Ronald McDonald red and was moused straight up. We are talking STRAIGHT-cartoon scared-straight. She was squawking loudly to the cashier about "make sure you get this" and so forth. Reminded me of Foghorn Leghorn, the big obnoxious cartoon rooster.
Free entertainment at wallyworld-too cool!
Unfortunately for me, there is another thing Wally is abundant in. Stinky smelly people. I walked through cloud after cloud while looking for my detergent. There should be a few rules for people to go out in public.
#1 BATHE. Whether its "old guy who hasn't bathed in a month" or "I'm so manly, I just worked out" or the dreaded 12 year old boy who just finished playing soccer. The 12 year old is the worst because at that age, their hormones are kicking into gear yet they don't realize that they should bathe more. eeeeyyuuuk. Bathing should be common sense right?? Hmm.
#2 BRUSH YOUR TEETH/USE GUM. "Oh, you had the garlic marinated chicken with onions for lunch?"...great. This is also the person who has no clue about personal space. I had a customer a few years ago who owned a restaurant. French food IE stinky cheeses. NO concept of personal space. He would look over my shoulder at the computer-we are talking his face 6 inches from mine. I'm sure he thought I had allergies cause I never breathed through my nose around him. Dentists tell us to floss for a reason. Food gets caught between teeth and ROTS. Heat rotting food at say 98.6 and oh god, gives me the heaves.
#3 NO BEANS, BROCCOLI or anything that gives you the farts. Its not funny or cute to "sow the field". If you have gas, go to the bathroom and let er rip! Don't toot a path down 3 aisles of the grocery store. Please? Fart clouds are GROSS!
#4 NO POLO or GRANDMA PERFUME. If I can tell where you have been in a store because of your Polo trail-you might be wearing TOO MUCH! Cologne and perfume are not substitutes for BATHING! One lady had on so much grandma perfume that you could taste it in the air. Now honestly, do you think I WANT to taste grandma perfume? Umm, yeah sure-I don't f*cking think so!
#5 IF YOUR KID TAKES A DUMP, FOR GOD'S SAKE CHANGE HIM! Babies poop and pee. I totally accept that. What kills me is the mom who says "oh my, junior just pooped" and CONTINUES TO SHOP FOR a 1/2 hour treating everyone in the vicinity to the dirty diaper smell. I don't want to try to pick out salad dressing while smelling your kid's dirty diaper. It's not good for the baby's skin to sit in sh*t for 20 minutes. Best part on this one-and yes, I experienced dirty diaper kid today too, was that Mom had the super jumbo pack of diapers in the cart.
#6 Cigarette breath. Not pleasant. VERY not enjoyable. Cigarette smoke permeate the lining of the lungs. Yes, it can cause cancer, but the stale ciggy smell can and does come up from the lungs while you breathe. So, mints help but they don't fix the bad breath. You know what the cure is, I don't have to say it. "Oh, you don't know, you mean non smoker you!" Oh yeah? I smoked for 17 years. I know what I'm talking about from the viewpoint of the smeller and the smelly. Consider quitting, it's mind over matter. Believe me, being able to breathe MATTERS.
Ok, I think I have chewed your ear enough tonight. If you ask nicely I might chew on it some more...rawr.
Paz a todos (peace to all)
C
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