Twofer tonight! Music to hear AND a Movie you have to see!

So, I haven't blogged in a couple days, sorry! But I'm going to make it up to you right now.

Well which first, movie or music? Let's go music shall we? Tonight, I am recommending Rainer Ptacek.
This man was an amazing singer, songwriter and guitarist. Was, yes that is correct. Rainer passed away from a brain tumor in 1997. Here is some video of him on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFNsbNAB5zw&feature=related
and info about him on wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainer_Ptacek

He was highly influential for many artists, such as Robert Plant, Emmylou Harris, Jimmy Page and Billy Gibbons. He had a beautiful, pure sound. Very good music to sit back and chill to. The guitar work is so...wow. You have to hear it to really hear what I mean.

When he got sick, he had no health insurance. So, to try to help with the medical bills, a group of friends and admirers came together to make a benefil album. This is the album I am listening to tonight. It is called The Inner Flame. It is a compelation of Rainer's songs perfomed by himself and other artists. It is a beautiful tribute to a man who left a big hole in the world of music. I dont know how available the album is, but I was able to find it on amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Inner-Flame-Rainer-Ptacek-Tribute/dp/B000002JD0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1232855713&sr=1-2

You will not regret this album. It is worth the time and effort to aquire it.

Now, for your movie...Those with Comcast are in for a wonderful black comedy. Go to the OnDemand-free movies and look up Wristcutters, a Love Story.
It's based on Etgar Keret's short story "Kneller's Happy Campers". It stars Patrick Fugit and Shannyn Sossamon.

Zia (Patrick Fugit), distraught over breaking up with his girlfriend, decides to end it all. Unfortunately, he discovers there is no real ending, only a run-down afterlife that is strikingly similar to his old one, just a bit worse. Discovering that his ex-girlfriend has also “offed” herself , he sets out on a road trip, with his Russian rocker friend, to find her. Their journey takes them through an absurd purgatory where they discover that being dead doesn’t mean you have to stop living.

This movie did well at Sundance in 2006. I remember seeing it listed on fandango. I thought the concept life after death being just like life but a little worse was interesting. I tried to see it in a theater, but like with too many indie films, it was in one theater for all of twenty minutes, so I didnt get to go. I like dark comedies so I was so happy to see this one come up on OnDemand. If you enjoyed Sweeny Todd, Nightmare before Christmas and Edward Scissorhands, you will like this one! It has a website www.wristcutters.com and a here is a link for imdb
http://imdb.com/title/tt0477139/

Enjoy and let me know if you like my recommendations! If not, I'm just sitting here talking to myself in cyberspace....
C

Movies you have to see: Pan's Labyrinth

Ok guys, we have finally sworn in the new president. Let's let him get settled. In the mean, it's time for another movie recommendation. I can recommend all sorts of movies, but I'm trying to talk about ones that you might not have seen, but should. Today, I thought, do we need a "chick flick" or something with a bit more meat to it. I decided it's a meat day. I found a very good review on www.sledgeweb.com. Rather than me butchering the synopsis, I'm going to borrow a bit from it. :)

In 2006, movie came out called Pan's Labryinth. It was critically acclaimed, but not a lot of people saw it. Labyrinth was written and directed by Guillermo del Toro. This film won three Academy Awards: Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, and Best Makeup. Don't let that lead you to believe this is just an f/x movie though, at the heart of Pan's Labyrinth is a beautifully tragic story about a little girl, Ofelia, who escapes the disturbing world around her into a fantasy whose frightening characters pale in comparison to her real world demons.

Labyrinth is like a much darker, grown up version of Narnia. It's been described as a fairy tale for adults. We tend to think of fairy tales today as nice bedtime children's stories, but at their root, fairy tales have always been about our fears. Del Toro expertly contrasts the fears we face in our real world, versus the fears Ofelia faces in her fantasy reality. In the end, Labyrinth contrasts innocence with evil, and asserts that while evil may temporarily overcome innocence, in the end, it is innocence itself that destroys evil.

The harshness of the subject matter is balanced by the beautiful cinematography, which lends a sublime dreamlike quality to the story. Indeed, the entire art direction of the movie is near perfect. Labyrinth is one of those rare accomplishments that becomes more than just a film, it is a piece of art - skillfully stitched together and succeeding on several levels. It stands as a masterpiece of imagination and creativity, and begs the viewer to move around it in order to view it's construction from different perspectives (as any good piece of art does).

In addition to the themes and psychology of fantasy, reality, and fear, Pan's Labyrinth is also deeply involved in examining human relationships. Ofelia is dragged into a terrifying situation when her pregnant, and sickly, mother marries a Spanish Captain (a personification of evil) out of necessity. Forced to live together, Ofelia struggles to resolve her inner emotional conflict between the step-father she despises, the mother she loves, and the unborn brother she comforts by speaking stories to. Her struggle to resolve the relationships around her lead Ofelia into a fantasy world, full of disturbing characters and very real danger. There, she learns that she is a princess from an underground kingdom, who's soul has been lost for ages. In order to reclaim her throne, she must overcome three challenges submitted to her by an aged faun in order to prove her soul is still intact. Is this fantasy world real? Or, is it a protective creation of her psyche? Del Toro leaves this question to be resolved individually by the viewer.

There was only one scene that I found to be truly disturbing but, in this case, the violence is necessary to demonstrate the evil and harsh real world situation in which Ofelia finds herself. In addition to the violence, the fantasy realm deals with some very disturbing creatures and situations that you may find scary. This is not a film to watch with small kids. The movie is in Spanish, and subtitled in English. It is rated R. It

If you like fantasy, and like films that actually have a good story at their core, I highly recommend Pan's Labyrinth. Check it out, and let me know what you think
C

The Big Fat Lie

This picture is the reality of "Ana" This girl died due to complications from Anorexia.

I recently became friends with a young woman on facebook. Not unusual I know. The reason I decided to be friends with her might be.

One of my friends tagged me to do a "25 random things about you" list. I did and tagged 25 people-well, 19 as that is all I have in my friends ;) I was looking at a few other lists that tagged some of the people I had and came across this girl's "50 things about me" list. I read about how she hated her body, her shape, her size...how she was so fat. I think she weighs all of 110 pounds. I saw a pretty girl, she saw FAT and UGLY. She is 17. I thought about my self image and self esteem at her age. I felt awkward and shy. I was smart and pretty, just very shy with the same low self esteem and body image issues as my new friend. I am 5'3" and at that time I was a size 14. I was healthy-not a stick but not "fat".

My mother has had a lifelong weight and self esteem battle. My entire life she has been on a diet. I was raised on diet soda and "low fat" because oh dear god you don't want to be FAT! Well, I'm now 37. I am a overweight person. Man, that is a hard line to type. I am and I admit it. My mother now sends me all sorts of diet this and loose weight now that, recipes from spark people, gift subscriptions to weight watchers magazine and articles on how "fat people can't_________. Yeah, that's right, it is a fill-in the blank. Because if you can think it, she has sent it to me. She makes statements like "well, when you loose weight you will be happy" I am a happy contented person but all she sees is fat. Since she con notates fat with unhappiness, she assigns that unhappiness to me.

And why? Why the hysteria at the mere word FAT? I have my own theories which I will share but first, I did a little googly research before starting this entry tonight. I started with one word. Anorexia. I saw stories and pictures of dead and dying people who look like they were right out of the concentration camps. The difference is that these poor souls have starved themselves. The stories are heartbreaking, lives just starting being ended by this quest for skinny.

But alas, the Internet can shock more. When I did the anorexia search, I found other sites. Sites about life with "Ana" and "Mia". Ana and Mia are Anorexia and Bulimia. These sites offer weight loss support and encouragement for anorexics and bulimics. It was a how to for eating disorders. Hints on how to hide your disease, how to pretend to eat, how to work through the hunger...on and on. Other sites I saw were nofatchicks.com which made fun of fat girls including pictures. Sad to say, several of the people they labeled fat were not. Oh, don't forget the pictures of "happy" fat guys emblazoned with "I BEAT ANOREXIA" tshirts.

Which brings me back to why. Why is fat a dirty word? My thoughts on the whole thing, well...
1. Fashion magazines and clothing designers are designing for women with the body of a 8 year old boy. I read somewhere that the average size of the American woman is a size 14. When will the fashion industry wake up to reality. Real women generally are not a size 0-2. Real women have curves and breasts and butts. Real women eat carbs. A woman who wears a size 0-2 has no boobs let alone a cleavage. Guys, you like to motorboat?? You won't get far with one of these women. The fashion industry makes us feel inadequate and fat - no matter if you are never going to be 5'10" and 100 pounds.

2. The diet industry is a multi billion dollar business. What do you think would happen to their pills and books and programs if they actually worked? What if their products really "cured" obesity? Bye bye business. It is their job along with the fashion industry to make you hate yourself and not be able to accept yourself. If you look in the mirror and say "god I hate the way I look" and then slimquick, or Jenny Craig, or Alli commercial comes on the TV... That if you take brand X, you will loose weight and your life will be perfect! News flash, life isn't perfect, no matter what pill or program or book you buy. My mother's favorite magazine-Woman's World- has a new diet every week. I mentioned this to her. She said "no they don't". I let it drop but she later came to me and said that she had gone through 2 years of the magazine (yeah, she keeps them) and that I was right. Not only did every one of the 104 magazines have a diet but that they seemed to rotate. Several of the diets pop up over and over. So, this magazine has a stake in you feeling fat. If you are fat and want to diet -"Here's the magic secret", their magazine.

I am fat. Their are things about my body that I do not like. If you have read my blog in the past, you know that I can be blunt but that I don't lie. Diets are a lie. There is no magic bullet or pill to loose weight. I am working on my weight but I am doing it for the right reasons. I want to be healthier. I know that loosing weight is a journey. It took time to gain, it will take time to loose. It is about making good choices. Do you buy the Super chunky hungry man stew or do you make chili at home with turkey and barley? Do you go for the super size coke and fries with your double quarter pounder or do you get a grilled chicken sandwich plain and eat only the meat and give the bun to the pigeons? Well, that's not enough to eat you say? Get the super large ice tea and a fruit and walnut salad. Go to Wing Stop or Subway?

Great book out now called "Eat This Not That". It is a great help for people of all sizes trying to make better eating choices.

It all comes down to you. You have to love you. You can still not like your stomach but if you don't love yourself then how do you expect anyone else to see how great you really are? I'm fat but I really, really do love myself :) Don't ever forget to love YOU too!!

Otto Titzling-the Man, the Legend-the MYTH!

Good evening all! I sit here tonight with you, scared. I have to have oral sugery tomorrow morning. They are going to put me under with a general. I have had surgery twice. More deep down frightening than anything the Saw movies can dish out. So, since I am trying very hard to distract myself from the fact that my tooth hurts and I am thirsty (no water or food for 8 hours before...) I am going to talk about something near and dear. Just feels like a big weight I have to get off my chest. Yes, for those keeping score, that was a pun. sheesh-I am TRYING to cheer myself up for cryin out loud!

Soo, get into the time machine folks, back to ancient history. Hair Metal ruled and men wore just as much if not more makeup and hairspray as women. 1990, 1989...1988 Ah, 1988. Music sucked, it was all processed cheese. Movies wern't as bad. 1988 brought us one the greatest chick flicks of all time. Beaches. Men ovulate at the mere mention of this movie... Two girls meet, become friends, grow up, one gets famous, one becomes a lawyer and dies. There it is, in a nutshell. You have to have boobs to understand why women have to watch Beaches any time it comes on tv.

Ah come on, gimme a break. If you read my blog you know I am the MISTRESS of tangents. But this one has a point. Bette Midler sings a song in the movie called Otto Titzling. It's a song about the origins of the bra or "over the shoulder boulder holder" HOORAY!

Well, it basically says Otto Titzling invented the bra after watching a big boobed opera singer fall over from the weight of her breasts. He invented the "Titsling". Which was stolen by "none other than the very worst of the French Patent theives, Phillipe D. Brassiere" Which is why its called a brassiere and not a titsling.

Only problem, it's a crock of doodie. Here is the article from Snopes

http://www.snopes.com/business/origins/bra.asp

Apparantly the first bras were invented in the mid 1860's but corseting had been around for several centuries. The Greeks even had a type of chest binding.

So my dear friends, if I die tomorrow (Im melodramatic and hormonal, so sue me!) know I loved making you laugh. I hope you chase your dreams, pass along random kindness to strangers and have a meaningful, fulfilling life.

I leave you with this, a couple stanzas from "Otto Titsling"

"...Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this girl was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!..."

and of course, a link for youtube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqxWhBZXF8Q

Movies you have to see - Elizabethtown

I have decided to start something on my blog about movies and music. Some you might have seen or heard, some not. Don't groan at me-my blog my rules :P

I saw a movie a few years ago called Elizabethtown. It stars Orlando Bloom and Kristen Dunst. I think it was in and out of the theaters in a blink. Sad thing too, it is so well done and a wonderful movie. It is very subtle, but the power of the message is in that subtly.

The guy screws up in a massive, billion dollar way, is fired from his job, goes home planning to kill himself. He is attempting to carry out the plan when he gets the call that his father died. He then has to go to his father's hometown in Elizabethtown, Kentucky to make final arrangements, planning to commit suicide when he gets home. On the plane to Kentucky, he meets a stewardess who talks to him the whole way there. She leaves him in Kentucky with directions to the town and her phone number.

As the movie goes along, he has to deal with his father's extended family. He doesn't know that the entire town knew and loved his father. He starts to get to know the family. As he learns about them, he learns about the father he didnt know. When he is leaving Kentucky with his father's ashes, the stewardess (now friend) gives him a large extensive map complete with music. He is to follow the map and listen to the music as he drives cross country. The journey helps him learn about the wonder of living and the journey of life. He figures out that there is more that defines him than a catastrophic failure. The trip is a symbolic begining of a new life, brought by the ending of another life.

I know, I know, I'm making a butchery of the synopsis, sorry 'bout that. I hope however sucky my writeup, you will take the time to see this movie.

This movie has an INCREDIBLE SOUNDTRACK!! I have said before, a movie soundtrack can be a terrific way to discover new music. This one is very very worth listening to and purchasing!

Im a big believer in the fact that music can strongly influence a life. I have heard this refered to as "the soundtrack of life". Music that touches you becomes part of your soul. You carry it with you. You know what I mean, that familar song comes on the radio, you smile and think about the past. What you were doing when you first heard the song. Me for example... "Careless Whisper" by Wham-Seventh grade, riding the bus home from a vollyball game versus Pearce, AZ. This song came on and the whole bus full sang along. The first time I heard Nirvana-Musicland in the Tucson Mall. "Come as you are" was playing as I walked in. I went straight to the counter and bought it. "I hate myself for loving you" by Joan Jett-wild high school party. Speaking of wild, the entire "Hysteria" album by Def Leppard. Well, I don't think I need to really speak about it. I was doing to this album what EVERYONE did to this album. Oh man, I was a bad bad girl that year LOL!

I guess the gist of the whole thing is this. Get your Netflix or Blockbuster or just go buy the darn thing but watch this movie. The soundtrack is fantastic, so get that too.

Im thinking next time to talk about Otto Titzling and the creation of the Bra. In any case, I am going to recommend a movie or music every week. I hope that you will let me know what you think, and if you have music or a movie to share with me and my 3 readers, bring it on!

Are you a grape or a watermelon?

Ah yes, and so we've come to it. You have been waiting for me to be in a better mood. Well, I am finally in the mood to discuss-AWESOME BOOBAGE.

As I mentioned previously, I joined a group on facebook called HOORAY for BIG BOOBIES. Started by a woman with an-ahem-ample bosom. If you have read my blog before you might have started to get to know my way of thinking. I might be vulgar, gross and blunt-but I am always upfront and honest.

So, honest. Hmm. I have big boobs. Really big boobs. I wear a 42 DDD bra. Now, lets dissect that a bit. The measure of a bra takes two things into account. This is the part to pay attention to guys (filthy buggers, love you too!) The number is the measurement (inches) around the woman's chest. That would be under the breast, against the ribcage, and around the torso. Now, the measure that the guys wonder about. You hear things like "did she have grapes or big melons" or the inevitable "anything bigger than a handful is a waste". WELL, those statements pertain to cup size. That would be the letters. They start at AA and most bras go up to DDD. You think it stops there? Oh contraire, mon petites, specialty stores go up to N and higher. Did you see Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo? The scene in the whorehouse with Neil Patrick Harris? That is an N. BTW, that scene, one of the funniest, jaw dropping lines "Im gonna rock out with my c*ck out and you're gonna jam out with your clam out, it's gonna be magical". LOVE NPH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LskZpU-zjM0
It's another one that is exponentally funnier after a shot of tequilla.

But again, I ramble. The combination is a woman's bra size. I read somewhere that 85% of women wear the wrong size bra. Amazing. Boobs grow and shrink depending on weigh gain or loss, pregnancy, breast feeding, augmentation, reduction...the list goes on and on. I have been an F, but I am down (ha!) to a DDD. I am only 5'3". Even when I was thinner I had big breasts. Yeah heredity. Short and boobtastic, that's me.

Im reading a book called The Erotic Tounge. No, its not an instruction manual for cunnilingus. It is a lexicon of slang, euphemismn, inuendo and quaint terms for sex, sex acts, body parts, obscenity and dirty talkin'. Think of how many words you know for penis. How many can you name? How many terms for breasts? Where did the term sexual intercourse come from? This book has been interesting, funny and an eye opener.

And thus, I end this post about big un's with a poem
-Ode to Those Four-Letter Words
A woman has bosoms, a bust, or a breast,
Those lily-white swellings that bulge 'neath her vest
They are towers of ivory, sheaves of new wheat,
In a moment of passion, ripe apples to eat.
You may speak of her nipples as small rings of fire
But by Rabelais' beard, she'll throw fifteen fits
If you speak of them roundly as good honest tits.

I hit the quadrafecta! PMS is not just for color matching anymore

The past week I have been so depressed. Just not feeling comfortable in my skin.

I have kind of a routine before bed. Take off my clothes and put on a tank top and pj bottoms. I remove my mascara and wash my face. Then I brush out my hair then floss and brush my teeth. Listerine and some carmex on my lips. Lastly I put my favorite lotion - Bath and Body Works Sensual Amber - set the alarm and climb into bed. As I said, I have been depressed. Last night I was laying in bed close to tears. My hubby came in and could see I was upset. When he asked me what was wrong, I tearfully declared that I was feeling old, ugly, fat and unattractive. He looked at me wide eyed and busted out laughing. After I smacked him he said he had just been thinking how beautiful I was. Then, it dawned on me. WHY I've been depressed. Yep, you guessed it, hormones or as many love to say-pms. I should have realized the reason for the depression but sometimes when you're in the thick of "oh woe is me" you loose perspective.

I guess a lot of women suffer from this but I don't know how many of them are honest about it, with themselves or others. I never used to have the mood swings like this, but as I have gotten older (OH GAWD IM OOOOOLLLLDDD! AAAAACK!) it has been more pronounced. Hubby knows that if I am weepy and start begging him to tell me he loves me, I'm pmsing. Here is a lesson for the few men who are still reading after the mention of GIRL STUFF (good man, hat's off to you brave soul). Remember this, no matter what you do, where you go or who you do in life. NEVER and I really mean NEVER ask a woman who is grouchy or weepy if she is pmsing or (egad) "on the rag". Mention of either of these will mean banishment to the dog house with a slice of cold pizza, a bottle of lotion and your hand for a LONG TIME. See - I'll be honest with you. A woman who is actually experiencing pms isn't always going to see things rationally. Have no fear though! The woman you love has not turned into a 3 headed hate beast from hell. She is just dealing with the natural affects of the chemicals going through her body. Unfortunately she can and will take it out on anyone close. Even strangers can feel the wrath of a woman hormonal.

Think in terms of heavy emotional responses and you will be close to understanding how pms affects the mind. If she is down or cries easily, be kind. Do nice things without having to be asked. Take out the trash, do the dishes or laundry. If she has to ask you to do things when she is dealing with pms, scrambling to do what she asks will only piss her off. Rub her back, or better, her feet. Just be kind to her, pms is hard. You irrationally think that everyone hates you, you can do no right and that you are the ugliest thing on two feet. DO NOT PATRONIZE her by telling her she is being stupid. Just be there for her.

What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?

So here we are again, you must like it in my head to keep coming back. That or you are totally bored out of your skull... Hmmm

Well, I decided to join facebook. I have a myspace but I only have used it once. I needed an outlet the day my grandmother died. Myspace fit the bill. I haven't been back since, I cant read the words I wrote that day.

But I digress. We were talking about facebook I think :)

So I got all signed up and did a profile. Then it gave me a bunch of people who I might know. I found people I worked with, people from HIGH SCHOOL (good and bad), and old friends I hadn't talked to in years. I found out one is a college professor in Athens GA, another is a HR director for a hospital. A dear friend is a high school math teacher (YO WENDELL!). I also found a lot of interesting groups-Hooray for Big Boobies-made me laugh so much I had to join. Well, the laughing and the fact that I am a member of that club LOL! I also found celebrities fan pages, tons of wonderful music pages and interesting movie groups (TAPEHEADS YEAH!). I have even had the privilege of talking with a few very kind celebs. I guess this is where my mind is today.

I have seen a lot of "fangirl" stuff for these people. I think I saw "I luv u ur so hot" about a million times (sometimes I hate texting shorthand!-I'm such a hypocrite though, I have a "text" saying as my license plate). And that's just the feed that I get from the home page. I cant imagine what their pages look like. One of the people seemed so upset the other night it bothered me. I can see where the frustration comes from, so much noise its hard to hear yourself think. "Fans" forget that "celebrities" are people. I think Oprah had one of the best quotes about celebrity-"Always remember this. No matter how famous a person is, everybody pees" The quote made me laugh but it is very true. No matter how high on a pedestal "fans" put their "stars", we are all human. We ALL have morning breath, we ALL fart, we ALL hate things about our bodies and we ALL pee.

This song is "Mad World" by Gary Jules. It's a Tears for Fears cover but the way he sings it, this has to be what some of these celebrities feel when faced with crazed, screaming fans. Everyone "knows" you but no one bothers to know you. I know, I put it on my facebook too but it is still in my head so I'm sharing it here too.

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/gary_jules/mad_world.html

Peace
C
ps, I took this picture at Children's Pool in La Jolla, CA a few summers ago.

Melancholy and such

It is raining tonight. Cold rain. This is the kind of night that makes me put on the Cure, 16 Horsepower or just pure piano music. I admit, I get a bit quiet when the weather is like this.

My mother has all sorts of theories about what makes us the way we are. She has run the gambit of birth order, personality types, color type...hell, even blood type. Amazingly, no zodiac. That's supernatural and not her at all.

So, in mom's book of what makes people tick:

I am a firstborn, which means I am a perfectionist, stubborn and driven. All True

I am what she calls a melancholy. Means I am creative, very deep feeling and can be prone to depression-I take the weight of the world on my shoulders. True again. I am very empathic, I feel people's moods around me. I guess it's hard to hide things around me, I pick things up too much.

Color type-eh-I am blond haired and green eyed. I have type O pos blood-neither of these IMO shapes personality.

I guess Im just me. I love driving home in the early evening. I put my hair in a clip and roll the windows down. I put something soft on the stereo and look around. The sun at that hour starts to turn the mountains red and gold. The soft light makes the green of the trees and cacti almost glow. And the smell of the desert...earthy and green at the same time. The breeze is crisp but not cold. This at least for me, is what serenity feels like.
If Im in the mood, next time I will talk about the boob thing. Just right now, Im just going to listen to the rain on the roof.

Time for a Story!

Good Mornin, afternoon or otherwise :)

Sooo, I WAS gonna talk about a group on facebook I joined called HOORAY FOR BIG BOOBIES, but I guess I promised you a story. I could do it from the perspective of "once upon a time" but it might get confusing. Might be an interesting challenge, but that's for later...

So, the story of how I met hubby...

Well, it starts in February of 1993. I had just graduated from art school and was working for the Tucson Shopper-what we called the "armpit of the art industry"-doing ad design, layout and production. They decided to downsize the art dept, which meant that the last to be hired was the first to go. Yep, that was me. So, off to unemployment I went. I had to apply at 3 places a week to keep my benefits-which were not much believe me. I started applying at places near my home. I applied at a store called Phar-mor. It was a big discount variety store and man, they had everything and CHEAP! They even had a discount pharmacy. I got hired there as a cashier. Now, this was a deep deep discount store. At that time, not all stores had scanners. Some, like Phar-mor, had hand punched registers and price tags. The intercom was a cb radio. Primative sure but by far the most fun job I ever had.

So, It was April '93. I was sitting in the living room watching the news on tv. A segment starts about Phar-mor and how the ceo, Mickey Monus, had faked the inventories in the stores and embezzeld so much money that they were shutting down all the stores west of the Mississippi. That is how I found out I was going to loose my job.

I started looking for a new job and was hired at Office Max, which was right next door to Phar-mor. I worked out my two weeks before leaving. My last day at Phar-mor was payday. I was feeling good, I had secured a job and I had money in my pocket. It was a hot day in mid May, so I decided to get a soda from the vending machine. I remember the Coke machine was a quarter (remember, DEEP discount store). I walked over to the machine to buy a soda. I looked over and noticed a tall man standing at the cash office. I remember thinking he looked really upset. I didnt know him at all. I thought he was so upset, he could use a soda. So, I said to him "You look like you could use a soda, would you like one?" He looked suprised that I would offer but said yes. So, I bought him a soda.

We spent the rest of my last shift talking. He had worked in the pharmacy. When they closed the pharmacy, he had come up front to be a cashier. We talked about all sorts of things. I discovered he was part of the local Rocky Horror Picture Show stage group. I had always wanted to go to the live show but never had. It was Saturday and the show was that night. So, he invited me to go. I didnt know him from adam so I said I would meet him there. You know, just in case he was a nut and I had to escape...

Well, I got there a bit late. I went up to say hi. He was standing there, in the theater, in a pair of tidy whities and white socks. He was playing the part of Brad that night. He sat next to me like that, unfazed and unembarrased, just talking with me. I remember being so impressed that he was completely confident, sitting there, in a dark theater, in his underwear, with a girl he just met.

That was the beginning. We were together every day after that. On July 1, 1993, a party was held at a local bar. It was a farewell party for Phar-mor. Later that night, he asked me to marry him.
I said yes. We had dated 6 weeks.

I joke that I never pay retail, not even for my husband :)

This year we will be together 16 years and married 15. I love him as much today as the day I said yes.

I know I pretty much telling this story for 3 people, but I still wanted to tell it.

Happy New Year

Hi again
Sitting here today, relishing my extra day off. It is a beautiful clear sunny day and 72 degrees. It feels like a sunday. I like sundays.

Got a phone call today from my father in law. Told me something I all ready suspected. My sister in law is pregnant. Again. That will make their 5th child in 6 years. I used to feel...kinda defective because I cant have kids. I would get really weepy and depressed. Holiday family gatherings sucked, I would always get that sympathetic look from relatives "oh, it will be your turn next" and bullshit like that. Well, after finding out about niece or nephew #8, I am not weepy. Or depressed. Or sad. I have my serenity. I have my warm sunbeam that hits my chair, I have my loving husband and my health. I am happy and content. Sure, there are things I would like to do, but my happiness doesnt depend on them.

All this has me thinking about the dreaded New Years Resolution. I dont like them. I think that people often make resolutions that are idealistic rather than realistic. Kinda sets a person up for an inevitable fall. I dont go for that. You know me, I read a lot from a lot of sources. So, I was reading the January 1st edition of the Arizona Daily Star. Dear Abby (yeah I know, "OMG, Dear Abby, SERIOUSLY?!? but come on, bear with me) had something that really spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you.

She calls it Words to live by in a new year
DEAR READERS: Welcome to a brand-new year. I'm printing Dear Abby's list of New Year's resolutions-adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthy
-if only just for today.

You dont have to be a member of Al-Anon for this to have meaning. It is the ol' one day at a time, but it is very true. Make a change today. Tomorrow is another day. If you mess up today, so what. Fall down seven times, get up eight.

It is my sincerest wish that you all have a beautiful, peaceful and fulfilling year.
My next posting, I will tell you a story. The story of how I met my husband. It is a good story, I promise ;)
Peace be with you all
C