Very long time away but Im not dead!

So, a lot of life happens when you don't plan it. I stopped blogging in 2008 because my life was overwhelming. Though, looking back, its nothing compared to now. My loving husband turned out to be an epic lying cheat, screwing many many women behind my back. He walked out in 2013 and the divorce was finalized in 2015. He left me for a woman 10 years older, mousey with 2 kids. She destroyed a 30 year marriage for his ED affected a**. Just like that. I knew he was bi but never acted on it to my knowledge. The reason he left was he decided he was "poly" and I would never accept that. Yeah. Polyamory is when all parties involved are aware and on board with the arrangement. What he did was straight adultery. For the first time since I was 22, I was alone. I decided to go back to school. I got my liberal arts degree in 2017 and in May of 2020, I will graduate with a Bachelors in Elementary Education. I discovered that I am stronger and more myself without him. I am no longer a them, I am a ME. My life is about me, what I want, what I feel and where I want to be. Selfish. A bit, but after giving everything of myself to another who didn't truly love me enough to be with just me, I am entitled to some selfishness. I love working with the kids. They are challenging, frustrating but so true and honest. Children don't mess around. They don't create false personas, at least not the young ones. They are who they say they are. I need that in my life. They are sweet and love to tell you about their day, their dog, their siblings and what they ate for breakfast. A child hugs you and says they will miss you, they mean every second. I love guiding their learning. Helping them sound out words, how to spell Christmas and teaching them math are fulfilling experiences. My job is good. I still work in printing but I have been through 5 stores and 4 jobs since 2008. 2 stores closed and I got to another store. My current store I work with some truly kind and good hearted people. They are my managers but I also call them friends. I just finished my last full semester of classes before student teaching. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, on the Dean's List and am currently holding a 3.85 GPA. I did this all on my own. I am proud of my achievements and have every right to be. To my ex. You missed out on an amazing, smart, beautiful, fully and accomplished person. I found her...in the mirror.

Howdy ho Neighborronies!

Hey campers, the great Booty is back. After 6 months of unemployment, I am finally working again! It's part time but I'm ok with it. It's a local company that does mainly progressive, liberal, democratic and community printing. Tons of t-shirts, stickers, bumper stickers, buttons, colroplast, etc. Old fashioned screen printing-squeegie and all! To check out their products, go to www.worldsbestbikestickers.com and www.peacesupplies.org. Pretty cool stuff!

Let's see, what else have I been up too... I did Tucson Fashion Week with my bags. Interesting but no sales. Ok exposure but I dont think I would do it again. Really need a venue more like a farmers market or a craft fair. I have been busy making model horse cinches. I am gaining a good reputation for high qualitiy and durability. I'm now making them for several top name tack makers and they are recommending me to others. So, I have 13 cinches on the order board right now! I think is wonderful-and a bit humbling. I guess this leads into what's on my mind today.

I have gained a wonderful friend who started a Model Horse Performance Magazine a couple years ago. I have happily become a consultant for her on the technicals of producing the magazine. To see it, go to www.modelhorseperformance.com.

Now, I have never been a horn-tooter (is that a word lol?) I am honored that people are recognizing the quality of my work. I also know that I am not unique and that others are capable of tying cinches-it is not my personal realm. I see the quality of others cinches and shake my head at what I see, but I dont publicaly call them out or name names. I consider it rude and I would rather let the work speak for itself. Unfortunately, others aren't as "humble" as I. Another young lady has decided to make a product for model horses that could be deemed a "beginners project". She speaks of her work arrogantly as "fine art". When another young new hobbyist asked her questions about supplies, she shot her down saying it was a trade secret. There has been other proclamations about how she came up with her own packaging and marketing. I dont think so. Her "fine art" product came out of a 20 year old book about model horses and her packaging design idea came from a major company's package design for the same type of product.

Needless to say, the attitude kinda got to me this morning. I take pride in what I do, but I'm not prideful about it. I guess that's the difference huh? I think it was the Amish that believe in the beauty of simple things. Look at the craftsmanship of Shaker boxes. Simple lines, simple materials, but perfection in craftsmanship and execution. Even the simplest project can show the heart and soul of the maker...but I wonder if pridefulness and arrogance show as well?

Reflection on Unemployment and Chiles

Heya, bet you thought I fell off the earth right? Nope, Im still here. Ive been super busy up until a few weeks ago.

What happened you ask?

Well, what has happened to 10% of the population of the US? Yep, I was laid off.

Woah you're saying-you havent posted in a long time, what the eff happened?

Hmm, I was working for printing company "A" for the last 3 years. They were having problems. Big problems, from people not paying their bills to not charging enough to make ends meet. Constant bill collector phone calls. It wasnt pretty. They were good people, they just got into a bad situation and it got to the point where they couldnt do it anymore. Sad, they had been in business since 1962, to be finally brought down by the recession. They had been doing furloughs to try to help their financial situation. That last week I worked one day, and for several weeks before I had only worked 2 days a week. Needless to say I was having to rely on savings to make ends meet. So I walked in to get my check and they are packing the office to leave and close the doors.

Yeah, no notice whatsoever to me or any of the other employees, I walked in and was given a box for my stuff. The printing company that was going to continue with the clients was taking the estimator who has made working with him highly unpleasant and the other prepress/bindery person, but not me.

I was unemployed, for the first time since I graduated art school in 1992. It was a real sense of loss. I told my family and they were wonderful and supportive, as family is supposed to be.

It took me a few days but I filed for employment. Two days later, company "B" asked my former boss to have me come in for an interview. Seems my former boss and the clients had talked me up to the point that they wanted to meet me. Went in, great place, great staff. Very happy workers, that's always a good sign. Did the interview and had to take a personality test and an aptitude test. I passed in flying colors. They hired me. Four months later they lay me off because "they are happy with me and would love to keep me, but they don't need 3 people in the dept and I am the low man". I really liked this job, they kept me busy.

I have had to work through my anger, disgust, panic and sadness. I was so angry with company B. Now though, I don't know. Im not crying as much as I did. Depression doesnt hit as often now. I guess the most horrifying thing to me was feeling like I was useless. That I was so easy to discard. I think it's a very basic human feeling to want to be of use-to be needed-to be wanted. I know it was a business decision pure and simple, but it felt like "we dont want you, you arent of enough value to keep".

It fucks with your head.

So now I am checking the websites daily for jobs, keeping my ear to the ground and so on. I have been embracing my inner "Martha Stewart".

Unemployment has made me really watch every penny. Since I use a lot of green chiles in cooking, I went to Sams Club to get the big packs of canned chiles. "Sorry, we dont cary it anymore, but we have the 5 lb can". WTF am I gonna do with a 5 lb can! I looked at the store. Walmart brand was .40 each. Cool, I buy a couple thinking I can get more later. Go back a week later and the same can was now .76 each. F that! I looked online for how to's and learned how to roast my own damn green chiles at home. 8 lbs of chiles later and now my freezer is well stocked. Lot of work, but they taste awesome! Not going back to canned. Ever.

Ok, I've gabbed your ear off enough for one day. I hope this update/rant hasn't depressed you too much.

Oh, if you know of anyone hiring for a production/prepress artist, shoot them my way!
Laters :)

Does this shirt make my butt look big?

Howdy campers, and welcome to a brand new year! 2010. Holy crap really? It seems like yesterday that we were all stocking up on water and canned goods because OH MY GOD the world was going to end-Y2K!!! RUN AAAAAHHHHH! I admit, I did buy extra bottles of water - you know, just in case. I justified it by the fact that my husband liked bottled water and he would consume it anyway...

Oh well, the world didnt end. We are all still here riding the blue green marble!

So today I decided I needed to start the year with a pedi. I used to go every two weeks but now I go once a month-we are all economizing you know :) So I had a relaxing pedi including cool sea green OPI polish and decided that since I had braved the mall, I was going to stop at Lane Bryant. The seasons are changing (at least in retailers minds) and so I thought there might be something interesting. Well, I did. I find it interesting that Lane Bryant and other stores for us big sexy bitches pays no attention to their real life clientelle.

Take for example the red number at the top. This top says less of "cute and sexy" and more of "cheap fingerhut bedspread" Come on, imagine someone say a size 26/28 in this top. Take a moment to get a good visual. Not pretty right? The ruffles and shiny material do nothing but make her look bigger. Sad thing is that this woman is probably a 10/12.

I like simpler clothing. Nice detailing sure but lets be real. Im a big girl. Sure I have a fantastic bustline and cleavage to die from, but framing my bodacious tatas in shiny red ruffles does nothing but make me look like I a) have absolutely no taste b) like looking 50 and c) dress in a room with no mirror.

This wasnt the worst top-by a long shot. The new sweaters are in candy colors straight out of 1984. They weren't cute then-they aren't cute now. Tank tops with ruffled layers...yeah no. It MIGHT be ok if they were meant to be worn with a light cardigan buuuut they aren't. Again visions of the 26/28 in this tank top... not pretty. I admit I am a 26/28. Granted Ive lost a little weight and am almost to 22/24 but still, I wouldnt be caught dead in this stuff. They cant honestly tell me that by adding sequins to the nipples of a empire waisted top is going to distract from my size. Rather than trying to distract with horrible ruffles, giant plastic jewels and sequins, lets try simple, flattering pretty clothing. Clothing that doesnt look like it belongs on my grandma-clothing that fits well-clothing that doesnt have patterns that look like a flamingo threw up. In other words, clothing that looks nice. Big girls are beautiful, why cant we have pretty clothes too?

We just need the retailers to pay attention.

Oh and btw retailers-big girls have big boobs. 28" tops on a woman with large breasts looks like a crop top. Really?? Seriously?? I dont think so! It seems they realize tops should be longer between 4 and 5x. Unfortunately for me-wearing a 3-4x, that doesnt really help.

Ah hell, maybe this is my calling. Going back to school-again for fashion design. Have you watched Project Runway? Not the current mess but the first 4 seasons? They design wonderful clothing-for size 0. An 8 year old girl is a size 0. Americans are getting bigger. I read somewhere that the average size of the American woman is a 12. A 12-not a 0. Sad that they ignore the pardon the pun-growing market for beautiful clothes in larger sizes.

Oh hell.

Well my friends, thats my rant. Take it, leave it, disregard it or learn from it-your choice.
'night.

So this is Christmas, and what have you done?

Well, something I HAVEN'T done is keep current on my blog! I could wax on with excuses but I think that just leaving it at "life can kick your ass and get in the way" is sufficient.

So wow, it's December 21st. The damn year is almost over. It's hard to believe but as I get older time is seeming to speed up. Do you remember as a kid, that it just took FOREVER for your birthday or Christmas to come? You would get sooo excited about parties and presents and holidays? I look back now from here and the passage of time at light speed leaves me speechless. I look at friends and family-having kids and believe it or not GRANDKIDS and I look in the mirror...the jumble of thoughts that come to me-it's hard to put into words. I dont feel old enough to have kids-AT ALL! But as my illustrious mother keeps reminding me (since I turned 30 btw) that Im almost 40. Holy Sh*t. Im not old enough to be almost 40. God, does that sound dumb.

You know, I feel screwed. Not only do I have to deal with the holiday blues but I get to deal with PMS on top of it. So, instead of just feeling old, ugly, fat and that everyone hates me, I get all that with a big dollup of holiday stress like a freaking cherry on top. Makes me think of Avenue Q's "It Sucks to be Me". Haha.

I guess time is a bitch that will catch us all.

Ive spent a bit on time on Facebook. Ok, yeah I admit I check every day. I have found old friends from high school, made new friends with old high school aquantances, met new model horse people and even a few famous people (who btw are just people like everyone else but with very public profile jobs-which is cool but I dont think I could take the constant scrutiny of every detail of my life). I see my friends status updates and feel privileged that I get to share even a small part of life with them. Highest of the high and lowest of the low, we are all riding around and around on the same blue marble in space, verdad?

Ok ok ok! I have to snap out of this. I guess that's what happens when you sit in an office by yourself all day, your mind starts spinning...

I will try to cheer up I promise, and I wont leave the blogging so long :)
later y'all
C

Gay Marriage Legalized in Vermont!

Did you hear? Today Vermont overrode their governor's veto and became the 4Th state to legalize gay marriage. For this, I stand and give them slow meaningful applause. You know-at the end of the movie when the underdog finally triumphs against the bully.

Gay Marriage-Why is this such a fervently contested issue, really! I'm going to say this slowly and simply. The state of marriage is a LEGAL CONTRACT. If it were not, you wouldn't need a license to do it. The thing that gets panties in a bunch is "holy matrimony" IE, marriage sanctified by a church or religion. Contrary to what the vehemently vocal anti gay marriage people say, marriage and holy matrimony are two different things that are not mutually inclusive of each other.

For example: 2 couples. One gets married by the justice of the peace while the other does the big church wedding. Both are legally married. Now, if marriage and holy matrimony were both required to have a legally recognized marriage, the couple what went to the JP would not be married. The gist is that a church or even religion is not required in this country to have a legally valid marriage.

People who happen to be gay are first and foremost PEOPLE. They have the right to enter into legal contracts the same as anyone else. WHY do people keeping beating on this issue?? If two people find each other on this insane planet, fall in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together GOOD FOR THEM! Plumbing has nothing to do with love. What someone does in the privacy of their home is none of my or anyone else's business. "Oh, it's a sin against God, the Bible says..." Yes, but the Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself. It doesn't make exceptions for color, race, creed, size or sexual orientation. Those are all man's prejudices. People who rail against gay marriage forget also "Judge not, lest ye be judged". I can hear the reaction now "OH, well, you can't pick and choose what parts of the Bible to listen to". Bullshit, that's what they do every time they protest a murdered gay man's funeral or picket a movie. They are choosing what parts they like and ignoring the rest. They get so wrapped up trying to force their views and judging others that they forget they are hurting people with their bigotry.

I remember years ago at my old job. I had a very sweet gay couple that came to my store. They were funny, kind, giving and very much in love. They were together 15 years before they had a commitment ceremony. Just after their 25Th anniversary of being together, one had a pulmonary embolism in their home. He died in his partners arms. Did the fact that they were two men make any difference of how they felt about each other? Absolutely not.

A couple things to consider
1) Anytime you hear someone argue anything about gays, put the word Black in place of gay. It wasn't that long ago that it was against the law for black and whites to marry. Sounds bad that way right?
2) If the validity of your marriage hinges on denying that right to someone else, what does that say about your marriage?

Peace and Love
C

Soundtrack for your life

Ah, so we meet again, or is it at first?
Ive been fascinated with an idea and I thought you guys would be interested in it. Ive talked before about the Soundtrack for your life. Well, I sat down and put some serious thought to it. If all that remained of your time on the earth was a 20 song soundtrack-what songs would it contain? A way to think of it is that is a person who never met you happened to hear your soundtrack, would they get a sense of who you was by the songs you chose? For me, they would be the songs that move me, make me laugh, cry, remember and think.

I didn't take this task lightly. Music is very important to me, it is with us from the day of our birth to the day of our death. It marks important days, memories, feelings, joys and sorrows. You are probably listening to mine right now. Don't worry, just hit pause if you don't want to listen right now.

Let's be clear. This is not a "20 songs that you would have on a desert island". This is 20 songs that define YOU.

So, here is my life soundtrack. At least, so far :)
1. Sugar Blue-Jeff Finlin. This is from the Elizabethtown soundtrack. It's quiet rhythm and grace make me think of my grandmother who passed away in 2005.
2. Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd. I hear this and I'm back in high school working at MacDonald's. This song was my first introduction to Floyd. My manager who I was desperately in love with played Floyd all the time. It echoed through the grill area. It made imagine soaring.
3.Time after Time - Eva Cassidy. This performance was live at Blues Alley. Eva passed away from cancer at 33. There is a haunted quality to her voice that touches me deeply.
4. Erotic City - George Clinton and the Parlament Funkadelic. Puts me square back in my Rocky Horror days. I had just moved out and discovered that I didn't have to be scared to be myself. If I wanted to sing "but he locked the door and gave me a disease" at the top of my lungs in a theater dressed in fishnets and a slip-I could.
I was free to be crazy, sexy and have fun!
5. Hang on St. Christopher-Tom Waits. My first few years of marriage. Hubby loved Waits and introduced me to it. This clip is from Big Time. Waits layers sound to the point of audio orgasm. Really.
6. Black Soul Choir - 16 Horsepower. The beginning of discovering a world of wonderful wild weird and amazing music. Kill the top 40 radio stations and explore!
7. Dear Mr. President - Pink. Makes me think of my brother. He is in the Army. He has sacrificed so much in the service of his country. His health, his first marriage. Takes me back to the days right before the beginning of the war. We said wait, they didn't listen.
8. Come as you are - Nirvana. This was the first Nirvana I ever heard. It marks the sea change between the 80's and 90's. When you think of music, there is before Nirvana and after Nirvana. This song says to me that its ok to be different.
9. I want it all - Queen. One of the last songs sung by Freddie Mercury. The power behind that voice gives me chills.
10. As Ugly as I seem - White Stripes. The guitar work and sweet simplicity of this song are very addictive. Beauty and simplicity will always go together after you listen to this.
11. Traveling Soldier - Dixie Chicks. I cry every time I hear this song. My brother gave his wife a cd with this song on it before he deployed the first time. My brother was supposed to be on a Black Hawk on his way home for leave. The helicopter was shot down. We didn't know for a day if he was alive or dead. This song takes me to that day, just sitting there not knowing what to do...
12. Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin. Schlocky I know, but this is a song that no matter how shitty my day is, makes me smile and remember simply to not worry, be happy.
13. Mad World - Gary Jules. I suffered from depression in high school. Lost, aching, painful depression. I used to say I felt like the red dot among the green dots-I didn't fit in. This song is the sound of my mind when I was depressed.
14. Sweet Dreams - Patsy Cline. Makes me think of my mother.
15. For the Longest Time-Billy Joel. Summer vacations when I was a kid. We would drive to Grandma's house. When this song came on the radio, mom, I and my brother would all sing along in harmony. Simple happiness comes with this song.
16. Yesterday - Beatles. Pure, simple, beautiful, soulful. Essential.
17. Ode to Joy - Beethoven. The sound of a ecstatic heart.
18. Fast Car - Tracy Chapman. I have had several copies of this album... I wore the tapes out listening to this. Another one that has a deep emotional reach.
19. Kathy's Song - Simon and Garfunkel. Beautiful ballad. Hard to decide between this, Neil Young Old Man and Bob Dylan Most of the time.
20. Every breath you take (acoustic)- Sting. Pure and clear. My 6th grade music teacher made us learn how to play this song on guitar. I remember her calling out chord changes. If only she had taught this version, maybe I would remember how to play it.

Ok, so there I am, laid bare to the "Innertubes". Comment, don't comment. I don't care. What I do care about is that you give some though to your own soundtrack. What would you pick and why?
Happiness guys. I will post a funky movie next time no worries ;)
C